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I Cooked With An Easy-Bake Oven For A Week And Here's What Happened

Welcome to Easy Sarah's Bakery.

This is the story of how I came to purchase an Easy-Bake Oven at the age of 26.

Couldn't I provide myself with something I haven't had since high school: a week of home-cooked meals?

Day 1: Pizza!

Next up was the dough.

I had questions about the "Egg Wash Mix" but like a good kid, I decided to keep them to myself. But when I saw that the instructions said to put the cheese in a bag and squeeze it out onto the pizza, I said, "Get the fuck out." Instead, I sort of smudged the cheese on top and prepared the pizzas for entry into the oven.

I let the pizza "bake" for 20 minutes and then pushed it out of the oven, only to find that it hadn't baked at all. Apparently you have to push the pizza into the very middle part for it to cook. I pushed the pizza into the very specific, correct place and waited for my tiny pizza babies to finish.

There is no timer in Easy-Bake land, so I checked the pizzas three times over an hour, waiting for the pizzas to look even a little crisp. Finally, once I saw the slightest shade of brown, I took them out.

Here’s what the pizza bird bites looked like!

Day 2: Party Pretzel Dippers

I could not even swallow them, which is so weird for me, because I typically choose swallow over spit.

Day 3: Chocolate Chip Cookies

Somehow, there are TWELVE steps to Easy-Bake's chocolate chip cookies.

Day 4: This Has Gone Too Far

Day 5: Skinny Cajun Meatballs

The moment of truth:

Day 6: Skinny Cajun Parmesan Cauliflower Bites


Day 7: Skinny Sweet Potato Tarts

Do I recommend the Easy-Bake Oven to adults?

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No, no I don't. That would be ridiculous.

My takeaway is this: Adults should learn how to cook real food in a real oven. And if you don't want your kid to end up like me (inept and unhealthy), don't let them cook crappy cookies with an Easy-Bake Oven. Better to give them the tools to cook and eat healthy for their entire lives — something which I now have more motivation than ever to do, after eating a week's worth of meals made in an Easy-Bake Oven.

Remember: Don't let your children end up like me. Learn to cook real food.