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I Stopped Using Shampoo Six Months Ago And I Look Great

It was a very difficult time for me.

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I know it sounds crazy. Don't you need shampoo?

No. The truth is that your scalp produces natural oils — and they're more than enough to keep you looking your best.

I've also cut out eating most meals.

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Long story short, my GF Amber and I hit a rough patch — literally. We were driving, someone swerved the car into a cactus patch, and we had a pretty bad fight that led us to break up. (It was me, I swerved the car.) Anyway, I've changed a LOT in the last six months.

No shampoo, a brand-new diet, and now I only shave when I get the energy to care about how I look. Which is not often.

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But it's not just about what I've cut out. I've started doing a lot of new things too. For instance, I started getting into car crashes on purpose just to feel something.

And I've started a very intense Jim regimen.

Jim is the guy Amber is dating now and I'm very intensely following him around. I don't have a photo of Jim from six months ago because who was Jim then? Just one of Amber's co-workers, or so I thought.

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It's cool, following Jim around is getting me out of the house, which I don't really leave otherwise.

So can you cut out shampoo? Yes.

And you can cut out food, you can cut out personal safety, you can cut out all emotions but hunger and sleep, and most people don't even consider those to be emotions, and not only will I look my best, but I WILL FEEL BETTER THAN EVER BECAUSE I WILL FEEL NOTHING. DO YOU YOU HEAR ME, AMBER? DO YOU HEAR ME?

I look great and now I don't need shampoo.

I don't need anything.