I spend a lot of time on the internet (maybe too much time...but it's my job, so it counts as research, right?). One thing I've learned? There are funny tweets, and there are funny tweets that ALSO are so real they shake you to the core.
This is a list of those such tweets. Because I don't just want to make you laugh, I want to RATTLE you (but also make you feel less alone because someone else wrote these so clearly you're not the only one who feels this way...)
1. Like this really important life advice:
Idk who needs to hear this but bitch you suck at money management. Stop spending your money on dumb shit, stop impulse buying, and most importantly cook at home and stop eating out... bitch
2. This idea that needs to be sent to Netflix ASAP:
Netflix needs a category called While You’re Texting.
3. This very scientific explanation:
We’re all gay https://t.co/qkCIPnrizV
4. If you've ever been to a straight guy's apartment, this one will ring true:
guys really live in apartments like this and don’t see any issue
5. When you realize you didn't learn as much practical knowledge as you thought in school:
thanks to my public education, I know how to square dance but not how to do taxes
6. This tweet that introduced the phrase "horny and not proud" into our lexicon:
Why do I text guys "well let me know if you wanna meet up again," as if the reason they haven't texted me is because they're waiting for my permission? I'll tell you why I do that, because I'm horny and not proud.
7. When Cardi B's energy is what you need if you're coming off a breakup:
Cardi B did an interview about offset cheating and said “I’m not even worried about it, he’s gonna go from this to what?? What’s better then me??” And that energy is wtf I’m talking about
8. This haircut observation:
A bowl cut is really just 360 degree bangs
9. Every person leaving a pregame to get into a rideshare, EVER:
when your friend says they called the Uber and you have 4 min to get the drunkest you’ve ever been
10. This Christmas observation:
*gets on soapbox * if your ugly sweater was designed to be an ugly sweater then it doesn’t actually count as an ugly sweater. the true spirit of ugly sweaters is that they were designed in earnest and the shifting sands of time and fashion eroded them to their present ugliness
11. And if you've ever seen one of the Final Destination movies, this one will make so, so much sense:
Final Destination doesn’t get enough credit.. it’s been years and certain situations from that movie still fuck me up.. I refuse to drive behind any big truck carrying wood on the highway
12. When you're on a budget:
Yall Ever Put a $7.02 Pack of Chicken Back and Got a Pack That Was $6.98???😭
13. Realizing the real hero of The Wizard of Oz might have been staring you in the face all along:
In hindsight, The Wicked Witch of the West have EVERY reason to light Dorothy's ass up. How you gonna kill my sister and steal her red bottoms you hillbilly bitch?
14. How toddlers cough:
this is how lil kids cough
15. If you have hazel eyes (or know someone with hazel eyes), this one definitely is REAL:
people with hazel eyes when they find a lighting that makes their eyes look green
16. This technology issue:
When you send the screenshot to the person you screenshotted https://t.co/yOh0IxMxIq
17. That one sock in the laundry:
me: *doing laundry* one of my socks:
18. Being tipsy around your folks:
Me: do you think your parents will notice that I’m drunk Friend: no just act normal Parents: hi Me: https://t.co/vfLvW1H3Oi
19. Human Sexuality 101:
the fact that I still like men is proof sexuality is not a choice
20. When you're always ready for a nap:
21. Being employed, and feeling this way:
idk why my job assumes that i’m asking for permission when i request days off.. it’s a suggestion that y’all should find coverage because i’m not showing up lol
22. The difference between a friend and a BEST FRIEND:
me waiting for my best friend to meet my gaze when I hear someone say some bullshit:
23. Thinking about the different forms of "self care":
when the self care you need is just chores and shit instead of pampering
24. And speaking of "self care", PAY ATTENTION TO THIS, THIS MEANS YOU:
Stop scrolling aimlessly through social media and go to sleep.