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    Sep 24, 2018

    23 Hilarious Tweets That Are Also Shockingly True For No Reason At All

    "Wouldn’t coconuts be considered mammals because they have hair and produce milk?"

    1. On cuddling:

    2. On getting the wifi password:

    3. On parents' ridiculous expectations:

    my mom when i wake up after 9AM

    4. On this year's potential Super Bowl performer:

    Maroon 5 Super Bowl Setlist: 1. Moves Like Jagger [introduces special guest Christina Aguilera, walks off stage] 2. Dirrty 3. Genie In A Bottle 4. Beautiful [Introduces special guests Nicki Minaj, Dua Lipa, Ariana Grande] 5. Lady Marmalade 2018 edition

    5. On how we should REALLY be classifying coconuts:

    wouldn’t coconuts be considered mammals because they have hair and produce milk

    6. On riding with bad drivers:

    7. On men:

    Call me old-fashioned, but I want a man who will protect me like I'm the reputation of a guy he's never met

    8. On how we use slang:

    If "guys" is gender neutral, then so is "sis" thanks for coming to my ted talk.

    9. On sides at a restaurant:

    Chips are never an appropriate substitute for French fries. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

    10. On people from California:

    Everyone: "In N Out sucks" Cali resident: "Ok but did you order your burger from the secret menu after praying to your god on the 12th hour of the 5th day if the week and make sure you got your burger medium rare with the correct combo of toppings with a side of special fries?"

    11. On getting your damn pronouns right:

    Cis people claim to have a hard time with trans/non-binary people’s pronouns but god forbid you misgender their dogs or potato lookin’ newborns

    12. On iPhones, Part One:

    13. On iPhones, Part Two:

    apple showing us the same phone for the 3rd year in a row

    14. On bugs:

    "The fuck is that" is the name I give to 98% of insects

    15. On trying (and struggling) to be professional:

    me responding to an email 7 days later with “sounds good!”

    16. On Eminem:

    Eminem looks like Topher Grace playing Fidel Castro

    17. On not texting back promptly:

    Friend Who Texted ‘I’m Just Seeing This Now!’ Awarded Pulitzer Prize In Fiction: https://t.co/bZy5PsWEPy

    18. On the art of farting:

    ever smell your fart & think “Honestly? not my best work”

    19. On Australia:

    20. On white people:

    white people love saying “get these away from me” after eating a few chips

    21. On Hannah Montana, if she were a character today:

    Imagine Hannah Montana nervously sweating as she watches fans comment “wig” on her photos.

    22. On adulthood:

    You know you’re an adult when your definition of “walk of shame” changes to “bringing all the cups out of your bedroom.”

    23. And finally, on *gestures at the entire world* all of this:

    I think I speak for everyone when I say "no."

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