1. This fitness inspiration:
the only reason I want to lose weight is so I can rap shoop by salt n pepa at karaoke bars without getting out of breath
2. This incredible anniversary:
7 years ago today I ate a churro in Spanish class and almost died because I'm allergic to cinnamon :)
3. This brave story:
last night I was so high I spent 20 minutes cutting one fingernail
4. The time she slid into Dr Pepper's DMs:
wtf happened last night
5. Coachella 2017:
coachella in 4 pictures
6. This very important medical question:
can you do molly on your period
7. This very accurate lookalike:
good morning I look like the villain from the incredibles
8. This relatable question:
how do people have "nightly routines" I just shove the laundry off my bed and go to sleep I'm lucky if I even remember to brush my teeth
9. This harrowing tale:
one time I burped and it sounded like "babadook" and I couldn't sleep for 3 days because I was convinced he was coming to get me
10. This dietary advice:
my idea of eating balanced breakfast is having a lunchable instead of a sleeve of ritz crackers so I hit more of the food groups
11. This #artsy photograph:
shot on an iPhone 7
12. This cute picture:
first day of school!
13. The time she shared fan art:
why do I always get the worst fucking fan art lmao
14. This magical story:
I lost my voice so I sound like Dumbledore from the first two Harry Potter movies
15. And this incredibly important anniversary:
4 years ago today I was interviewed for the news about Pope Francis but the graphic made it look like I was the new… https://t.co/KsmEVNKcks
16. The time she talked about being fiscally responsible:
I just tried to buy so many legos that my bank locked my card and I had to call them to confirm all my gay bar charges from last night
17. This cute pet picture:
when ur allergic to cats but u love them
18. This accurate analogy:
I'm a human four loko
19. This brave statement:
if I had to choose between being murdered and watching an entire episode of the big bang theory I would choose murder
20. This movie that needs to be made ASAP:
Men in Black (1997)
21. And when infidelity strikes:
When you find out he's been gleep glorping other bitches
22. The note she shared that was crazier than any of the Hangover movies:
how high was I
23. This very accurate life motto:
I honestly, deeply, truly, wholeheartedly, genuinely, really do not give a fuck
24. And finally, quite possibly the funniest tweet ever:
Ok but why do I look like the fucking ride