The Ups & Downs Of Living Alone For The Time

After graduating from college this past June, I made a huge lifestyle changed by not only moving to a big city for the first time but also by moving into a place where I would be living alone. I have been living in San Francisco for six months now and it has taught me a lot. I have friends and family in the city so I not isolated in any way but it is my first time living completely alone. And, let me tell you, after becoming accustomed to the stuffed-into-a-shoebox-apartment-with-fifty-roommates lifestyle that was college, this was a huge change. I was not only exploring a new place but also learning how to be comfortable with only myself for companionship.

Fear and Pantlessness

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The first few weeks of living alone were much like the first time our parents leave you alone for the night as a kid. The rush of freedom and countless opportunities for things I had dreamed of doing ie. staying up past my bedtime. Think Home Alone but way less cute because I’m a 23-year-old woman. I spent my days roaming my empire with no pants on, giggling at how scandalous I was and feeling like a diabolical genius for eating dessert BEFORE dinner.

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Then at about 8 or 9 pm, I would suddenly become jumpier than a jackrabbit and my hearing would go from normal to supersonic bat hearing, listening for even the smallest creak. Maybe I watched too many horror movies when I was younger because I was paranoid AF. I was irrationally scared of someone breaking in and having to face them alone; then, consequently being murdered and left to be eaten by wild dogs. It was not fun.

Getting Comfortable, Maybe Too Comfortable..

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After I had some time to adjust to my new living situation, I was on top of the world, it was my god damn oyster. I went through a phase where I was convinced I would join several book clubs, work out every day and became a fitness guru, learn to knit, binge every movie/tv show on Netflix, paint a masterpiece that would give the Mona Lisa a run for her money, and then in cure cancer in my spare time.

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Getting comfortable always seemed like the goal after moving to a new place, but I think eventually I got too comfortable. Eventually, the shiny newness of having so much free time wore off and life in my "grown-up" apartment began to feel a bit dreary. Sometimes, I low key felt like banging my head against a wall just to pass the time. But, I didn’t because fixing the holes in the wall would have been too expensive.

Embracing This Opportunity

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I’ve realized that I need to appreciate the quietness and peaceful slowness since I won’t be living alone forever. Better to enjoy it while I can. I’ve learned to recognize when I’m lonely and not be ashamed of it like I was in the beginning. Instead, I acknowledge it and work towards alieving it whether that be through making plans with friends or partaking in activities that I enjoy like painting or reading.

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I learned to feel comfortable doing things alone that are generally stereotyped as group activities, like having dinner in a restaurant or going to the movies. And because of this ease, I didn't feel a desperation to soak up as much human contact as I could. I learned to really appreciate the days during the week when I hang out with my friends and live in the moment. This period in my life has done so much to strengthen my confidence and get to know myself better.

To anyone living alone for the first time or moving to a new place where they might feel lonely, just know that it’s normal to need time to adjust. Don’t try to ignore any feelings of loneliness or stress, there’s always something you can do to feel at home. Join a book club or a running group, learn a new hobby, get some plant babies to take care, volunteer, or find a local facebook group for something you enjoy. If you’re feeling down, just know that there are other people like you out there and you’re going to get through it.