First date red flags you shouldn’t ignore

We’ve all been there. Weird DMs from that person you went to high school with, awkward encounters with some random vegan your mom met at the supermarket. A mediocre meal sitting in front of you that you didn’t actually want but chose because you thought it would seem impressive. First dates are hard. Between the sweat oozing uncomfortable down your back and trying to calculate how much alcohol is enough to drink without looking sloppy, it can sometimes feel like a nightmare. Lucky for you, I’ve got six red flags you should not ignore while going on a first date. So, sip that sparkling water and take a chill pill. You’ve got this.

1. If you tell them you like astrology and they react like you just asked them to unbury their third grade hamster

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I get it. Not everyone likes to base their entire personality off of the time they were born, or the way the stars lined up the moment their brain lit up. But if you mention that you do like astrology (or anything else that you are passionate about for that matter) and they react with disgust, boo boo it’s probably not the one for you. We aren’t meant to always agree or like the same things. But the ideal partner will be open to hearing about why you are interested in things, not see everything as a chance to debate and put you down.

2. If they try to pick your meal

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Okay, this should not need an explanation. But just in case. If your date tries to tell you what to eat (I’m not talking about suggesting, but clearly needs you to eat that slimy salmon you don’t want), then it’s a no-go. This may be a red flag to their control issues. And we do not want that.

3. If they mock mental wellness or therapy

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Not everyone is in therapy, and there can be a personal or financial reason. But if you are focused on your own healing and getting to know yourself better and your first date calls you soft for it, get the check and get the f*** out!! We are all at different stages in life, but you don’t want someone who is going to make you feel self conscious about your journey.

4. They only talk about themselves

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If you spend the majority of the date listening to someone else talk, they may a) be nervous and turn into an over talker (I can sympathize) or b) don’t care enough about you to ask any questions. First dates should be a conversation, not a presentation. If you find that you are not speaking as much as you’d like, advocate for yourself and think about the type of partner you’d like. Do you want someone who listens, or someone who talks over you?

5. They talk trash about their exes

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If they talk badly about their exes on the first date, they may not be over that so-called toxic partner or they have a hard time seeing their role in conflicts. When your date can reflect on their role in the relationship and what they learned from mistakes made, it’s a good sign that they are mature enough to handle a relationship.

6. They don’t have any hobbies or interests

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This one can be hard. Chances are, if the person is in survival mode or cannot afford to dabble in their interests, you can’t judge them for not being able to commit the time. But, it is important that the person you are seeing has interests — even if they cannot pursue them right now. Hobbies make us disciplined, committed, and passionate. These are great attributes for someone who is pursuing a relationship.