You've woken up with a migraine.Or had it totally come out of nowhere and hit you like a speeding runaway train.A train that was aiming for your head.If you had to rate the pain of the actual migraine headache on a 1-10 scale, you'd say something between 1,000 and infinity.Post-migraine, you tend to feel…foggy and not 100% sure wtf is going on around you....also sleepy and sad....achy all over....super forgetful....like a puppet on floppy strings.Your migraines come with a batsignal that announces their arrival — constant yawning, intense food cravings, sore neck, an aura, etc.You get an aura that basically blinds you with lights, shapes, specks, etc.Or you smell an odor that isn't there.Or you hear sounds that technically speaking aren't actually happening.Or your aura causes numbness/tingling/pins-and-needles.You've been known to puke during a migraine.Aaaand diarrhea comes with the territory.Throwing up while having diarrhea is kinda your thing.Your migraines can last several hours.Or sometimes for an entire day.Ugh maybe even 2-3 days?Fuck it, maybe up to a week.Rough estimate? 8-10 eternities.You get migraines at least once a year.Lol actually once a month.You basically schedule in about one migraine a week.You get migraines every day that ends in Y.Even the dimmest of lights feel like they are tearing through your brain when you have a migraine.And also beforehand.And also after.During a migraine, quiet sounds feel like they're screams coming from inside your skull.And for a couple days before and/or after.It's not uncommon to miss work or school because you have a migraine.Or are 90% sure you're about to get one.Or just had one.Or had one last week but you still feel terrible.You've tried explaining your migraines to professors, co-workers, managers.Your migraine is triggered by....red wine....aged cheeses....your period / hormonal changes....processed foods....stress....strong smells....bright lights....changes to your sleep routine....changes in the weather....exercise....chocolate....caffeine....literally everything good and delicious in life.You don't step one foot outside your home without migraine rescue meds.And a backup supply just in case.There's literally no event or food or drink special enough to get you to expose yourself to a trigger.You keep ear plugs and a sleep mask in your bedroom / in your bag at all times.You are never not exceedingly well stocked in Gatorade / Pedialyte.Every so often you see, hear, or smell something that makes you wonder if you're getting a migraine.You've had to suppress your rage when someone called your migraine a "headache."Or when someone suggested trying meditation to treat them.Or when a person suggested cutting _________ out of your diet.And with that person who said, "It's probably stress-related. Are you stressed?"You have a post-migraine ritual you never miss that involves...Gatorade/Pedialyte and saltines/dry toast....taking a bath or shower.....eating fast food/takeout/some kind of "junk" food....stretching or doing very gentle yoga....getting a back/neck/scalp/head rub....lying around with a hot or cold compress.Telling everyone to leave you alone forever.Your post-migraine ritual is sleep. Just sleep.Maybe with some crying?Sometimes mid-migraine you've thought "Hey, if this is the time my head actually explodes, well, at least I wouldn't be in pain anymore."You cry as soon as you realize a migraine is coming on.You weep during your migraines (as quietly as possible).As soon as your migraine is over, here come the water works.You've been known to have a good sob in the days following your migraines.There's literally no stage of your migraine that's tear-free.You are convinced that most people think that migraines can't possibly be as bad as you say they are.You think non-migraine people who complain about PMS have it damn easy.You think non-migraine people who complain about PMS should not be allowed to speak around you.You're confident that having a migraine is in the top three most painful things a human being can experience.And you've said that to people.Many times.Checking items off this list has made you think you're getting a migraine.That's not funny.
How Freaking Terrible Are Your Migraines?
Your migraine is really fucking awful — because every migraine is really fucking awful! But, OK, technically you checked up to a third of the options here.
Your migraine is really fucking awful — because every migraine is really fucking awful! But, OK, technically you checked up to 2/3 of the options here, so, damn your migraines are pretty damn bad. We wish you healing vibes, total silence, and complete darkness.
Your migraine is really fucking awful — because every migraine is really fucking awful! But, OK, technically you checked between 68% and 100% of the options here. So, WOW, your migraines must be really freaking bad. We salute your strength and resilience and hope for a magical end to all migraines forever!