Summer is upon us and for many people that means one thing. Eurotrip. You head off on an adventure and there are a lot of things they tell you to pack. There are millions of lists on the internet about packing for a just about every scenario. The Ultimate Travel Packing Checklist, 23 Items to Pack for Every Solo Travel Trip, or The Ultimate Europe Packing List. Notice that they're practically all "ultimate," so that must mean they're right. Things you didn't even know you needed, now suddenly you must have.
"Don't forget your backup battery for your backup portable charger for the 6 days you'll be out of the country."
"That hair's not going to straighten itself. Remember to pack your portable purse hair straightener."
"If you don't have at least 16 travel cubes are you even really traveling...?"
Like I said, there are A LOT of things the internet tells you to bring on your travels. What I'm here to tell you is that you likely don't need most of that shit, BUT there are quite a few things the internet isn't telling us that are absolutely must-haves, especially when traveling to Europe.
So, if you're planning to travel any time soon, toss out that luggage scale and make some room in your bag for these 7 things:
I didn't know I needed it until I knew I needed it. I come in here thinking I'm all cool having just bought a few new pairs of board shorts. No. Speedos are all the hotness. Old, leathery men strutting their stuff up and down the beach in nothing but a tiny piece of fabric. There's not much mystery with these bad boys and it's no mystery you need a pair (or 12) of these.
2. Pack of cigarettes
Not entirely sure how it works with getting cigarettes on the plane, but they're a must-have in any European country. Can't talk to women, can't bond with locals, can't really do anything if you don't have a cig hanging from your lip. If you don't have a pack of these, expect to get roasted. So, starting roasting.
3. Lap girlfriend / boyfriend
This is crucial. And I'm talking crucial. If your significant other isn't physically sitting on top of you you're probably not in love. Holding hands, passionate make-outs, probably even sex in the park wouldn't classify as love. You need a girl to sit on your lap long enough that your legs completely go numb. Then, and only then, will you be in love.
4. Below the knee shorts
I had received an anonymous tip on this one, so I packed accordingly, but this is a necessity for an guy in Europe. Jean? Khaki? Doesn't matter. They just have to cover the entire knee. Apparently they also help with circulation for the aforementioned lap partner.
5. Full-body jumpsuit
Need a jumpsuit and need it zipped ALL the way up to the top. No exceptions. I've seen dozens of people already out exercising in these bad boys and I'm pretty sure it's how everybody stays so skinny here. I've always been an Under Armour guy, so really trying to lock down a nice matching set. Can't wait to throw it in the mix with some Joma and Kappa and knockoff Adidas suits. They'll have no idea what hit them.
6. Pedal-less bicycle
This one has really thrown me for a loop. All the little kids ride bicycles, but none of them have pedals. They sort of use it like a scooter, but then just dangle their feet and coast. Maybe it's just me, but this seems dangerous for a 3-year-old. Seems even more dangerous for a 25-year-old, which is why I must have one.
7. Pointer finger
Any great packing list wouldn't be complete without something that's actually attached to your body. Forget all those gizmos and gadgets all the other packing lists tell you to bring. You don't even need to make room in your suitcase for this and it's the only tool you really need. Want a beer? Point at a word you think says "beer" on the menu. Lost? Ask a stranger and point around in circles with them until you get lost again and need to ask another stranger the same question. Catch a girl looking at you at the bar? Point at yourself, shrug your shoulders and look confused as if there's no way she could possibly be looking at you (9/10 times she's not).
So, there you have it. The 7 things they don't tell you to pack, but that you must pack for a trip to Europe.