1. “Good afternoon. Thank you all for joining me.”
2. “As you may know, I have already chosen a Christmas tree.”
3. “The First Lady herself inspected it very closely.”
4. “I have also commissioned a gingerbread White House.”
5. “All the key features of the First Family’s experience will be tastefully replicated.”
6. “Certain other holiday decorations have also been set up throughout the house.”
7. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some important meetings to attend to.”
8. “VERY important meetings.”
- U.S. House Speaker Paul Ryan, a Republican, said he was not ready to endorse Donald Trump for president 🇺🇸
- A jury has found Lonnie Franklin Jr. guilty in the "Grim Sleeper" serial killings of 10 black women in Los Angeles.
- The UK heads to the polls today, with a race for London mayor, a fight for the Scottish parliament, and council elections across England.