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Posted on Sep 14, 2017

"Someone Is Currently Catfishing Me Pretending To Be Owen Wilson..."

The Ultimate Trolling of a really, really stupid internet Scammer.

by Rosie Okumura

Community Contributor

It was just like any other Friday night. I'm drinking 7-11 wine alone and eating skittles for dinner in my kitchen, when someone with a whopping 23 followers slid into my Instagram DM's with the username, "owencunninghamwilson". WHOA. THEE Owen Wilson? No WAY? Also who takes the time to look up his middle name. *insert skull emoji here*.

  I decided to play along to see what would come of it, and LORD bless it y'all. It turned out "Owen Wilson" Needed me to hold 60 million (DOLLARS? DOLLARS!) in the bank for him because as he said, "Privately and secretly my wife planing a divorce with her laywer." Planing. Okay.   Anyway, all I needed to do was wire $3900 to some mysterious bank account in Kentucky to pay for his FBI investigator.

"I she need $3900 dollars. I want you to her to her from Walmart to Walmart," he said.

 Wow, easy enough, I thought.

 I was rrright on it, because number one: the instructions were so clear, and number two: he told me he'd give me 3 million dollars for my help. But I wanted more - I negotiated for 3.5 ...nudes that is, oh and make it $4Million, Owen. He agreed without hesitation.

  YES. It was time to troll the shit out of him.  

Next, I filled out their "online banking form" (which was sent from a gmail account with a stock photo of the cheesiest headshot on the planet) I filled it out immediately using only ridiculous answers i.e: the phone number was to donate to Planned Parenthood (ps you should!) and the address was the Roscoe's Chicken & Waffles in Inglewood.  

Buzzed on my $6 bottle of Pinot Grigio, I was feeling bold and started responding using pet names and telling him he was the best thing that ever happened to me, which, let's face it, if a man makes me laugh he's a keeper. He reciprocated emotionally, promising we'd be together after his divorce (even though Owen Wilson is actually NOT married?????) Silly babe.

  In the meantime I literally could not understand how someone could actually believe I was being serious, but he (or maybe she) BELIEVED ME. I was convinced this person was joking but they WEREN'T. He was so excited that I was going to do this idiotic deposit for him. He was probably just as shocked as me that someone could be SO stupid.

  I actually managed to string him along all weekend while keeping a live Facebook thread going full of screen shots, photo shopped images, love notes, and empty promises to my beloved scammer. Hundreds of friends, and then their friends were glued to the story.

On Monday, when the bank opened - I filmed a facebook live video of my trip to the bank, where I deposited not $3,900, but $3.90 - oops! I forgot a zero! ¯\_(ツ)_/¯   Also, I dropped coins all over the teller's counter and it was pretty embarrassing and amazing all at once.

Anyway, since Owen asked for a receipt following my bank errand, I had my friend Mike photoshop the photo of my receipt to $3900. The scammer asked me to please keep things a secret, but it was too late - I'd already "written a check of $100,000 to RedCross to help with hurricane relief" and if he'd just turn on the TV he'd see me on FOX news. I demanded he hurry and deposit my cut of the millions, before my check bounced and I disappointed Trump, and the entirety of Texas AND Florida. This is when I had my amazing friend Mike do a rush photoshop job to secure my head onto an image of someone holding a giant donation check next to Donald Trump.

 "Add some news headlines about me being Owen Wilson's girlfriend and make sure the check says TO: REDCROSS", I asked. "It's time to guilt him!".   

Mike really nailed it. It was hysterical.

The next day, "Fauxen" started getting greedy, asking for $48,600. I had to end things, this was getting way too expensive. Also, who has 48k just SITTING AROUND???  I broke up with him, typing only lyrics of *Nsync's "Bye Bye Bye".

For my safety, and the sake of turning him into authorities, I had to ghost him. He lost it. "Baby!!!!!!!!! Can we talk now?!" he screamed into the hollows of my DMs.

Radio Silence.

 And as if it couldn't get anymore hysterical, his "brother Luke" with even LESS followers felt it necessary to message me, pleading me to respond to his brother.  "Welcome to the Wilson family. Please don't be mad a Owen. Owen love you."

  I haven't responded to Luke either.

I'm sorry Bumblebee, until next time... I'll be waiting with bated breath on those 3.5 nudes.

  Make some popcorn, pour yourself a glass of gas station wine, and enjoy. Receipts of the entire exchange below...