“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.” - Ted Williams, I think.
Shea and I sip a beer at our favorite Pasadena watering hole and watch our beloved Boston Red Sox tear into the worthless Baltimore Orioles. It’s a beating. Of course the California natives sitting next to us are annoyed by our constant cheering. I mean how many times can JBJ make a catch like that? This is great entertainment for us, but these Dodger fans seem bored. How come no one cares until the bottom of the ninth when the game is tied? Has baseball become boring due to the lack of competition (aka “the shift”) or is something missing from America’s pastime? Trust me, I get it! I’m a lefty! The shift would destroy me.
It’s not like the rules have always been the same. Baseball has been evolving since the 1800s. There hasn’t always been an infield fly rule, players weren’t always required to wear helmets, and modern catcher’s mitts didn’t show up until the 1960s. Rules like these helped the players and gave them more safety and control. In turn, the game became more interesting.
Baseball feels long, but my smarty-pants friend and I decide pretty quickly that length and pace are not the problem. When Shea isn’t testing radar for aircraft, he’s spending his spare time with long-ass board games. These nerd-escapes are at their best when there are multiple outcomes on any given move.
The MLB should take notes from these cardboard time-sucks and institute more player and manager autonomy, not less. The right to choose is part of the American spirit, after all. No one thinks adding a clock to Tiger Woods’ tee shot will make golf more interesting. If Tom Brady needs to sprint up to the line of scrimmage for each play, he won’t be playing for 30 more years like we all expect. Everyone seems cool with LeBron getting a breather for his eight timeouts in the NBA. Fans accept these time-consuming rules because they help the athlete make the best decisions, thus making the sports more interesting.
But what more does baseball have to offer? Maybe the critics are right. Maybe all that’s left to do is take things like “the shift” away. But... wait...
We notice something magical unwrapping at the bar before our eyes. Man after woman after man go up to the bar for drinks. It’s a busy day; people are agitated, hot. Tensions are high. Too many people at the right end of the bar. It’s going to burst. Until, one solitary genius walks to an open spot to the other end of the bar. I look to Shea and whisper, Look at this guy over here, going to the wrong side... going to...the…
Our eyes widened. Memories from my childhood flooded back. A schoolyard tetherball careening clockwise towards my face -- my mother holding my hand and teaching me to cross the street. “Now little RJ, look left, right, left.” -- The toilet bowl swirl when I was an exchange student in Australia -- That Beyonce song…
As my daze fades, I look deep into Shea’s eyes and know he just experienced the same euphoria. We are saving baseball. We are on the precipice of discovery, of being a part of baseball lore forever.
Shea looks down, and with the precision only an engineer can muster, draws this on a napkin:
Shea's Shift Formula
General Rule Change
When no one is on base, the batter may choose the direction to run from home plate - after hitting the ball.
Some details...
Offense:
1. When no one is on base, batters may choose the running direction.
2. Batters can choose the direction in real time, depending on their hit and the defensive field positioning.
3. Once a direction is established, all proceeding runners must follow the direction.
4. If the bases are cleared, the new batter may choose to run to first or third, changing the direction.
5. The batter must immediately commit to the chosen direction after hitting the ball.
6. Any attempt to change direction after the hit will result in an automatic “running balk” and an OUT.
7. At no point will there be a time where base runners can collide.
Defense:
1. First and Third basemen are able to shift accordingly, along with second and shortstop.
2. Depending on shift and decision of the batter, fielders will make the decision as to which base to throw the ball in order to get the force-out at first or third base.
3. All current shift rules remain in play.
4. An arrow board (think basketball possession) will be clearly posted for all players as direction changes throughout the game.
In conclusion, we know what you’re thinking, but we don’t want your money. All we ask is that the new rule be called the Thieneman-Watson Decision. It rolls right off the tongue. Cheers to baseball, cheers to diagrams, and cheers to change!
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