11 Lessons You Learn From Adopting A Transracial Kid

Blood ain't thicker when the covenant is stronger! (This is for the Editorial Fellowship)

1.) Not All Kids Want To Learn About Their Heritage

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It’s a misconception that kids who are adopted out of their culture and heritage want to learn where they came from. Sometimes this is due to having been rejected from their heritage. Sometimes that reason is unknown. That’s not to say to close the door on all things pertaining to their background, it just means that they might not be ready. Maybe they don’t ever want to learn. And that’s okay. Their relationship with their heritage involves no one else but them.

2.) Don’t Define Yourself By Things Beyond Your Control

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Many parents feel judged on the behavior of their kids. It’s assumed that a good child reflects good parenting of a good parent. However, that’s not always the case, especially with an adopted child who may be acting out for reasons yet to be revealed. Letting go of expectations on yourself and your child is important as well as putting aside the expectations of others.

3.) You Don’t Have To Trust Someone 100% To Love Them 100%

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Many adoptees, especially ones who are adopted later in life, tend to have trust issues. Having been rejected and abandoned by people who were supposed to accept and love them can be traumatic. And despite knowing that they are accepted and loved, sometimes they can't shake off an underlying mistrust. But don't worry, they still love you.

4.) Birthdays Can Be Really Hard But Remember "Gotcha Day"

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For some kids, celebrating birthdays can be very difficult, especially if the day of their birth is unknown. To some, the day can be a reminder that a huge part of their history and identity is missing, and that can be really scary. It doesn’t mean that they don’t consider you as their “real” parent, it just means that they’re having a hard time figuring out where they fit in. With that being said, it’s important to celebrate “Gotcha Day” as it's a reminder that they are chosen and accepted!

5.) Love Cuts Through Language Barriers

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Adopting from another country with another language can be challenging. After all, language is how you communicate—it’s a tool for relating to others. But fear not! Showing your love, attention, and patience with your child will let them know that you’re a safe person who loves them. Your love will transcend any language barrier! Figuring out their love language will also go a long way!

6.) Role Models Are Important

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Having a role model who is the same ethnicity as your child can be beneficial to them. It’s not to say that you as a parent are not sufficient. It's just that sometimes having a role model they can relate to ethnic-wise may help your child figure out how to do things like hair, makeup, or what to eat. It can also help them navigate harder topics like how to respond to questions and what future opportunities they may have.

7.) Keep An Open Mind

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Adopting someone from a different culture means accepting and adapting! So keep an open mind, you might be surprised of the things they teach you. Whether it be trying new foods or accomplishing a goal differently than you, there’s always something to learn.

8.) School Assignments Can Be Challenging

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In your kid’s early years of school, some topics like genealogy can be difficult. Although they know that they have a loving family, not knowing their biological family tree can make them feel like they don’t belong. It doesn’t help that some teachers don’t accept adopted kids’ adopted family tree for the school assignment.

9.) Speak Up For Them

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Every parent wants to protect their child and doing so takes attentiveness. Being aware of racial micro-aggressions and negative stereotypes is crucial as well as shutting them down when they occur. It shows your child that just because you look different, being treated differently will not be tolerated. This also means standing up to family members who might be unintentional with their words and actions. By letting your kid know that you have their back, it creates trust, and reminds them that you’re on their side!

10.) Finding Their Racial/Cultural Identity Can Be Hard

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It can be challenging for transracial kids to find their racial and cultural identity. Despite having both feet in each world, there isn't a sense of full belonging. Hearing words such as, “You’re Asian enough,” or “You can be honorary white,” from anyone is incredibly damaging. Unfortunately, finding one’s identity is a solo journey. All you can really do is be there to support and love them.

11.) You Learn To Live With Loss And Grief

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They will more than likely have grief. Adoption starts with trauma and loss. Pretending that those feelings shouldn’t be felt just because you chose them can be harmful as it is a form of emotional rejection. But walking with them through those hard feelings and encouraging them to feel them can be one of the best gifts to give them. It can also be humbling as they can teach you how to navigate through your own personal griefs.