10 Questions It’s Never OK To Ask A Transgender Person

According to Against Me!’s Laura Jane Grace.

Maybe you’ve heard of Against Me!, the incredible Florida punk rock band whose literate and voluble anthems have been celebrated by basically every major music outlet and Bruce Springsteen.

Warner Bros. Records.

Early this year, the band released Transgender Dysphoria Blues, its critically acclaimed sixth album and first since lead singer/songwriter Laura Jane Grace came out as transgender in 2012.

Against Me!

On Oct. 10, Grace will follow up Transgender Dysphoria Blues with True Trans, a 10-part AOL web series about the real lives of transgender people across America.

Grace stopped by BuzzFeed recently for some real talk about the annoying/hurtful questions transgender people deal with every day.

David J. Bertozzi / BuzzFeed

If you want to be smarter about transgender issues, or just a generally better human, here are 10 questions to never ask a transgender person.

1. “Which bathroom do you use?”

David J. Bertozzi / BuzzFeed

“For the most part, I do try to take the approach that there’s no such thing as a stupid question,” Grace said. “But there are some stupid fucking questions.”

2. “So, when is the surgery?

David J. Bertozzi / BuzzFeed

3. “Are you sure you aren’t just gay?”

David J. Bertozzi / BuzzFeed

“The phrasing of this one is pretty rude,” Grace said. “And unfortunately a lot of people are just confused about the difference between gender and sexuality.”

4. “Do you have a penis?”

David J. Bertozzi / BuzzFeed

“How about you just don’t ask super-personal questions?” Grace said. “We’re still human.”

5. “Can I see pictures of you before you transitioned?”

David J. Bertozzi / BuzzFeed

“I’ve never really had the luxury of avoiding this one,” Grace said.

6. “What’s your real name?”

David J. Bertozzi / BuzzFeed

7. “Why don’t you try harder to look like a woman/man?”

David J. Bertozzi / BuzzFeed

“This implies that there’s a standard for how to be a woman or how to be a man, which is just bullshit,” Grace said.

8. “Are you going to change your voice?”

David J. Bertozzi / BuzzFeed

“How do you know that the person isn’t already trying to change their voice?” Grace said. “This immediately cuts them down to size.”

9. “Am I still straight if I want to fuck you?”

David J. Bertozzi / BuzzFeed

10. “How do you have sex?”

David J. Bertozzi / BuzzFeed

“Why not be a little fucking creative?” Grace said. “You can figure out how to fuck in any situation if you really put your mind to it.”

Watch the trailer for True Trans below.


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