Late in 2017 I decided to call quits on Tinder and leave the online world of dating behind. Why? I’d had one too many relationships where dedication and commitment were taboo words. Where the other guy, or myself, constantly had one eye on the market if love hadn’t blossomed by the end of our first pint. Sometimes, even if there was love, the pull from the market was too strong.
‘What if I can find better love? What if I can find love without the fuss? What if I’m missing out?’
I was cast to the side for an app, in which men refused to let go of the "hope of something better”, and I constantly retreated back to searching for something more. Night in night out of introductions, telling stories about my past that I knew would strike a laugh, using the same lines that I knew would lead to a kiss, it was all so shallow.
So I decided to go sober. Want to know what I’ve learned?
1. There aren’t many of us
If people think you’re single in a club they’ll troll grinder for you. I had one guy come up to me on a night out asking if I was single. When I said yes he replied: ‘but I couldn’t find you on grinder.’ Bye, Felicia. Since when did face to face communication become such a chore and online become such an expectation?
2. My time is valuable
I had time for me! At first it was strange and I’ll admit Netflix played a huge role in that. But I picked up a new sport, learnt a new language, started up on my photography again and nearly finished writing a novel. Who knew there was so much time in ones’ day?
3. Meeting someone organically is gold.
Meeting someone with absolutely no expectations is pretty damn exciting and a breath of fresh air.
4. Recycling is a bad thing
Men are in your past for a reason, do not recycle.
5. We are all marketeers
As much as this pains me to admit, my snapchat and insta game went through the roof. My IG has never looked so clean, it’s never been so selfish and it opened my eyes to the world of online dating. Look around: posts on Facebook, Instagram, not only are they an attempt at self validation and worth, they are a sales tactic. They are a: look how great my life is, look how casually fantastic I look off guard. Date me. I’m marriage material. We are all salesmen, we are all marketeers and we are very, very good at it.
I would like to finish this blog post with a fairy-tale story of how I found true love with a handsome man that I bumped into outside the grocery store and he helped my with my shopping. Unfortunately, I do not live in a narrative from West World.
The truth is, social media dating is so ingrained in our lives that it’s not a matter of whether we chose to do it, it’s how we chose to do it. So, for those of you that refuse to let go of those Tinder reins, I don’t blame you. You have sex on demand, so many options at the swipe of your finger and I’ll admit it’s pretty entertaining. But what I will say is when you do meet someone, let go of the rest. Don’t be afraid to close doors for new ones to open. Give room for dedication, growth and commitment. Take your eyes (and your goods) off the market. Maybe it will work out, maybe it won’t but you don’t know unless you give it 100%.
Go and get your hearts broken, repeatedly, because when you find your Prince the frogs will be totally worth it. Hell, maybe you’ve got your Prince right now but he’s a late bloomer and the other Princes knocking on your door are also hot and available and ready to bang.
Will I be jumping back on to dating apps in 2019? I hope not. Call me old fashioned or tell me I watch too much Disney but I still have hope in our humanity. I’m pushing the organic trend over to the world of dating. Look up and leave room for an organic meeting in your day-to-day life. Don’t scoff at a cheesy chat up line in the street because we all know you’d be sending nudes for it on an app. Make time for you, make time for whoever walks in to your life and remember that not all things come instantly, like Nando’s on a Saturday, a good Bloody Mary and love.
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