Note: This post mentions abuse and rape.
As tough as it is to be a woman nowadays (i.e. the overturned of Roe v. Wade), it can be almost as difficult to hear what some men believe and assume women go through every day of their lives...without talking with us about our experiences.
And while some men are thoughtful and understanding about what women go through, whether it pertains to our bodies or experiences, Reddit user u/wwwwxyz wanted to know from the r/AskWomen community: "What was one thing you had to explain to your partner that you were surprised they didn’t know?"
And a lot of the responses were eye-opening in that they highlighted not only what men didn't understand about the female experience — but also what they assumed about women's bodies. We rounded up some of their answers below.
1. "He didn't understand all the precautions I have take when going out at night. He didn’t have a clue how many rules we memorize — like check the back seat, jump in and immediately lock the doors, ignore anything found on your windshields or windows, etc."
2. "[He thought that] preferring to use pads over tampons [makes] a woman ‘immature.’"
3. "He didn’t believe cat-calling happened, or at least, was really rare, because he had never seen it happen, and he hangs out with girls all the time."
4. "Why women put their phones in their back pockets. He was shocked when I stuck my hand down a front pocket to demonstrate how shallow it was."
5. "That babies are born with their eyes open. I was about eight months pregnant, and he thought babies were like puppies/kittens/etc. and asked me how long 'til our baby would open her eyes."
6. "I had to explain that we attach pads to the underwear, not our vagina."
7. "He was in the bathroom with me while I was changing my tampon, and he was like: 'There's no such thing as a stupid question, right?' And I was like, "No, of course not, ask away." In the most quiet, shy voice I've ever heard him use, he asks: 'So, does it feel even a little bit pleasurable when you put it in?'"
8. "In high school, super low-cut tight jeans were 'in.' All of us girls had to constantly pull them up, and even do a little wiggle to get them up. I had no idea how this looked; I just wore the jeans I thought were cute and in style. He thought girls shook their butt to turn the boys on while they were walking behind them. I haven’t been able to get that one off my mind since."
9. "A partner told me that women and girls shouldn’t fart. I had to explain that we have a digestive system that produces gas just like men."
10. "My boyfriend genuinely thought it only takes one time to get pregnant. He's had sex before but with condoms so now that we're trying, he literally looked at me and said how aren't you pregnant yet? It only takes one time."
11. "He thought that a gynecologist is for male problems, too. After that, he went on to search for male gynecologists in his area to prove he was right but ended up finding a gynecologist who is a man."
12. "I had to explain to my boyfriend, who was very much annoyed by the fact that my period came and went as it pleased, that I can't just manually regulate it myself to make it punctual each month. It was...an experience for sure. It made me realize I indeed should have sued my period for being so unreliable. (How dare it?! It be your own, fellas)."
13. "Not every woman can orgasm from penetration."
14. "Urine doesn't come out the vagina and vice versa. I can't believe men don't know that women have more than one hole (not counting the butt). This is not just my husband; seems to be a common belief of men."
15. "My ex-partner believed that abuse only existed under the guise of physically assaulting someone. He assumed that just because he wasn't hitting me, he was a great catch that I was lucky to have."
16. "That he can't tell a pregnant woman how 'huge' she is."
17. "That vaginal discharge is not necessarily a sign of an STD and that the consistency changes at different points in the menstrual cycle."
18. "That it's not sad for women to use toys."
19. "There is no such thing as 'womb fucking.'"
20. "Women can't hold their menstrual fluid in like you do with urine. At the time I explained this, we were in our early 20s and he was well educated with a college degree. He's also very, very intelligent. I was utterly gobsmacked he didn't know this."
21. "Why I never said no when his best friend came onto me. I've been sexually assaulted many times, and it started when I was 9 and continued on for almost a decade pretty regularly. In my teens, I eventually stopped saying no to anyone, because it was just easier to give in than to risk harm. I didn't realize it still stuck with me all these years later. So...when my husband's best friend continually groped me, came onto me, and generally just broke boundaries, I didn't stop him. I shut down, didn't look at him, head down, held very still. Anyway, when I told my husband after it happened a few times, he was angry I didn't cause a scene, scream, yell, wake the house up, etc. He was furious with me and didn't understand why I (a 5'6" female) would ever be afraid of his friend (a 6'4" male)."
22. "That I wasn’t cheating on him. He was seeing vaginal discharge in my underwear."
23. "I’ve explained to a friend — not a partner — that in a marriage, sex without consent is a rape. He still doesn’t understand."
24. "My ex once saw some leftover period blood in my underwear; it was kinda dark reddish brown. He was super grossed out asking if I shat myself. I explained old blood was brown. He was disgusted. Anyway, he's an ex. LOL."
25. "My ex said it was 'cringe' that I use panty liners. He kept complaining about it to me, saying I should stop using them. I said no each time. Then he got pissed and said, 'You probably get wet all the time — that's why you have to use them!' and I was like: 'Seriously? You're getting a PhD, and you don't even know the female body? It's normal to have discharge for women, and it has nothing to do with being horny.'"
26. "Not really a partner but I had to explain to many men what happens during a Pap smear…and they get grossed out all the time."
27. "I had to explain where the cervix was located, and that no, his penis could not, in fact, go through into uterus when he was ‘deep.’ I don’t blame him. I blame our educational system."
