Have you ever felt unsure of what truly indicates someone is selfish? Same. Well, Reddit user u/Potatoe_stealer asked, "What is a telltale sign that someone is a selfish person?" and the answers delivered. Here's what people had to say below:
1. "Conversations don't feel like conversations. They are one-sided talks about what they want, their thoughts, their life, their priorities, etc. When you are able to slip a word in, your words are used as transitions in their dialogue. No matter how you format your words, they all just add to the plot of their story. What you say and what you do are pawns in their game to be manipulated in a way that belittles your experiences, actions, opinions, and choices."
2. "Every bad thing you do to them is drama-worthy. Every bad thing they do to you is small and should be moved on from, and why can't you just do that? You're so dramatic!"
3. "They gladly take any favors you do for them, but when asked if they could reciprocate once, they get defensive and or aggressive and act like you're the selfish one for daring to expect something in return. It doesn’t make you a bad person to expect reciprocation in a relationship with someone else, romantic or platonic. Relationships are give and take and that makes them healthy. It's not entitlement to expect kindness if you give kindness. If you're the only one giving, you're being taken advantage of."
"I'm currently going through this with my roommate. She always asks for my help, expects me to walk her dog every day, and constantly asks me to pay rent in advance even if I'm not getting any income for three weeks. Yes, she asks me to pay a second rent just a week after the last. She never thanks me for walking the dog. Any advance payment, no thanks either, she will just keep asking as if I am her bank account and then get angry when I am unable to pay.
Last week, she asked me to cook an extra amount of food because we had guests and then threw a fit because I used beans. It's not that she or anyone else can't eat beans, it was just her dislike of the day. She had eaten those same beans in other dishes and liked it. Because I had put so much effort into cooking more food than normal and her behavior was worse than usual, I completely stopped helping her or even speaking with her."
4. “'I’m just telling it like it is.' They state their opinions like they’re indisputable facts that others must agree with."
5. "They respond about how worse their situation is when you’re sharing your problems with them. No try to help or listen, just trying to draw attention to their side."
"Ah, the complainers. I have a friend who is like that, and lately, I have just been letting her talk, with dry responses such as 'Oh wow,' 'Tough luck', or 'Yeah you told me all of that via text', and I would talk only if she would ask me a question.
Well, the hangouts got silent superfast. And it seems she is no longer 'satisfied' sharing the details of her life with me."
6. "They keep changing their story to suit their own needs. To make them look like the 'right one' and like you're 'evil'. Even if you just caught them doing something completely wrong they'll still find a way to completely switch it around and blame you."
7. "If they always talk about themselves."
8. "One of my workmates had her drink taken from the fridge by someone else. When she put up a sign on the fridge to remind people not to take things another guy asked her why she was doing it. She explained her drink was taken and without skipping a beat he said: 'Oh yeah, that's because someone took mine.' So not only was he willing to admit to doing it but his justification was that someone did it to him. So yeah, I'd say that."
"This is what people call 'paying your dues.' Other people treated me poorly, so I need to perpetuate that to somehow 'justify' it being done to me. If you don't have the same hardship then somehow it's not 'fair.' It is embedded into so many aspects of society and has got to be some form of evil."
9. "When every single bad thing that happens to another person gets spun around into their personal problem (e.g. I'm really upset because my friend's family member is going through x.)"
10. "Doesn’t think they’re wrong in the slightest bit. They can’t shoulder any bit of responsibility."
11. "They bring nothing to the potluck but are first in line."
12. "Pay attention to how much they interrupt you or you'll say something pretty important, and they'll go okay and then talk about something else. This isn't always a sign of selfishness, it could be ADHD, a habit they don't know they're doing, or they just don't gel with you."
13. "It's a cliché answer, but I have found the 'return the shopping cart' test to be pretty accurate. It is such a small thing, but it does tell you if a person thinks small things like that matter."
14. "For me, it's people who listen to loud TikToks in public, especially in relatively silent places."
15. "They're surprised and disgruntled when you accept what they've offered. Example: I used to be friends with someone who loved to offer stuff: 'I have some cute maternity clothes that would fit you — I can lend them to you if you want!'; 'I can help you rearrange your classroom — I'll come in early tomorrow!' These aren't things that anyone solicited, she offered them up. Yet she 100% expects that everyone will politely decline her offers. I'm a 'yes' person and anything you offer to me, I will happily accept. The look on her face when I would respond, 'That would be great, thanks!' was always priceless. She never followed through with any of it, but she never stopped offering stuff. And I never stopped accepting. It was kind of hilarious."
16. "They're rude to waitstaff or just staff and employees in general."
17. "They don't remember the time people helped them but remember clearly all the times they have helped others."
18. "The more they ask in a relationship, the more you’re having to give. That is, I think of relationships like a bridge: Generally, you should build from both sides, and in crisis, you make up the difference, but a relationship is primarily meeting each other in the middle. Selfish or self-centered people pretend to build a relationship but ask you to build the relational bridge all the way toward them. Ultimately, they expect you to build the relationship entirely towards them, and you’re left giving more than receiving."
19. "They throw other people under the bus so fast you'll get whiplash if you stand too close, whether to save themselves or to humiliate the competition. No self-accounting at all."
20. "When they always play the victim card. 99% of the time they only place themselves in the victim's seat by ignoring all the effort or cost other people have to endure and only focus on what they go through themselves."
21. "People who choose their own convenience at the inconvenience of others. Double parking, showing up late, putting the phone on speaker in public, choosing the shorter right lane but not turning right making everyone else behind them wait at the red light, taking forever at a long-lined ATM or public restroom, holding up a public place to take multiple selfies."
22. "They only message you when they need a favor."
