Sometimes we experience things in life that simply don't need to be told to others.
So when I found Reddit user u/SeXyHuNtEr69420ask: "What is your secret that you can't tell anyone because it will probably ruin your life?" I thought it would be helpful to share their responses just in case others can relate. Here's what they had to say below:
1."At Christmas, my family LOVES my homemade eggnog. It's just high-end store-bought eggnog and I put in one to two tiny pieces of eggshell to make it look like they were 'missed' when I 'strained' the eggnog."
2."I have a bad back and from time to time, it goes into a full spasm. One day, I was getting out of bed, and as my foot hit the floor, I went into a full spasm. I have no idea how, but a perfectly formed turd fell out the leg of my shorts and landed on the floor. Due to my spasm, I fell and landed right in the poop. The commotion woke up my girlfriend at the time, and she ran over to check on me. I blamed the dog. I've never actually told anyone this before."
3."I stopped working at work one year back. I have no idea what the fuck they want from me because I watch 12 hours of shows on my laptop and work for 30 minutes a day by attending a team huddle and staying on mute."
4."I’m 40 and my parents have no idea that I never actually graduated college. I went for almost six years and never felt like I really knew what I was doing. School wasn’t necessarily hard for me, but I just couldn’t bring myself to focus or be dedicated to it. My parents were SUPER obsessed with the idea that everyone needs a degree to get a decent job, so there was a ton of pressure, and dropping out wasn’t an option. Sooo, I 'graduated' in a winter semester and 'decided not to walk the stage' since the December ceremony was always pretty small, and I knew they wouldn’t think that was weird. This happened to be during the recession in the 2000s so I had an excuse for not finding a conventionally professional job right after that. Now, I actually have a really good job with a company that focuses on hiring people based on experience, skill, and personality, so it turns out I didn’t even need that degree. But I will never tell my parents the truth."
5."My 54-year-old secret would ruin several lives. My childhood best friend’s little brother is actually my son, and his children are my grandchildren."
6."I was once at a party for my nephew's birthday and really had to go. I noticed they had a basement bathroom, so while the cake was being served, I dropped a deuce that could peel paint. I was able to sneak in/out without anyone noticing. Fast forward to after the party and my sister-in-law and brother-in-law were complaining about two other family members clogging the upstairs bathroom and stinking up the basement. They complained that the smell lasted for days after that and it had to be professionally cleaned. To this day, they blame the other couple to the point that they get angry discussing the topic."
7."I won the lotto. I haven't told anyone or changed my lifestyle. I'm still going to finish my degree in data science, so I can say my money is from a new job."
8."Those cookies I bought for the company picnic were store-bought from a small bakery in town. Then I put them in my Tupperware. See you in hell."
9."I think I’m not as nice as people believe I am. I am just acting according to social norms when in reality everything outside my home makes me feel tired and drained."
10."The story everyone knows is my boyfriend and I voluntarily left our place of work because our relationship went against the policy, and we valued our relationship more than our crappy jobs. The truth is we got caught fucking in my car before work and left in order to avoid repercussions."
11."My childhood friend has two siblings that he doesn’t know exist. They’re twins, around 2 years old now. I promised to keep it a secret; my dad and his dad are close friends. My dad is quite the gossip and spilled every last detail to me. Apparently, their father (handsome, tall, a sports prodigy) slept with a doctor who lied about being on birth control so that she could give birth to his children, who she claimed had 'superior genetics.' She was his former doctor who pulled up his private records in order to score a date with him as she had all his contact info at hand. Never wanted child support or even a father in her kids' lives, just an involuntary sperm donor. Very weird."
12."I play most video games on easy mode. Then brag about how I’m so good to my wife who doesn’t know about games."
13."About 11 years ago, I contacted my estranged father. We had become estranged due to the fact he abused my older sister when we were children. We sent some emails back and forth and I lied that I was doing a college degree and needed help with tuition and costs. He must have sent me about £50k in three years. He found out it was a lie as he emailed the university I said I went to, asking for a receipt for tax purposes, and I blocked him and never spoke to him again. That £50k was spread between me, my siblings, and my mom when we were in financial difficulties, and I played it off as winning big in an online casino. I don’t feel an ounce of guilt but I’m not sure if my family would understand what I did. The man didn’t pay any child support when he and my mother divorced about 12 years before this. So, I feel justified in scamming him. My wife knows and she’s agreed to keep my secret."
14."Because I had a brain injury, I have to constantly be mindful of my habits before going to bed. If I don't, I will be like a kid who constantly wets the bed unconsciously. It's an awful feeling, but since my brain injury, I sometimes miss the 'mind-body connection' thing. It happens. Once they discover this though, what will they do? I have now made up my mind to just have the 'let them' mindset."
15."I work as a personal assistant to a CEO of a massive multi-million dollar software company. My boss doesn't even know how to convert a document to pdf."
