Even though there's no such thing as a "perfect" relationship, sometimes misbeliefs can occur, which can make things feel extra complicated between you and your partner.
So, when I saw Reddit user u/MetaphysicPhilosophyask the r/AskWomen community: "What’s a misconception you had about relationships that you now realize was incorrect?" I thought it would be helpful and insightful to share their responses. Here's what they said below:
1."That it's 'hard.' Relationships aren’t inherently difficult. Just be open and honest about what you want and need and work together to make it happen for both of you. Yes, life is hard, but your relationship should be a safe and fulfilling space. Anything else and you gotta go."
2."That the 'butterflies' I got from certain dudes were my warning alarm and not intense attraction."
3."That love is all you need. When things get difficult, love isn't what solves your problems — it's kindness, perseverance, determination, patience, stubbornness, and teamwork. You can't get through the tough times without those things; love or not. If love is all you have, you'll fail."
4."That if you don't want to be around the person 24/7, you're not in love. My parents, siblings, and their spouses spend basically all their time together, and I thought that was what love was. And I thought I'm never going to fall in love. I'm a loner, big time. I love being alone. I've been with my partner for over four years, and we spend a ton of time apart. It works for us. My family doesn't understand our relationship at all, but they're not judgy about it or anything. They're just like, 'You guys are weird, but you do you, I guess.'"
5."That 'forever' was a requirement. Very few people — partners, friends, etc. — are forever. Some people are in our lives for a chapter, then we either move on, outgrow each other, change, etc. It doesn't mean time with them was any less valuable."
6."That being in a relationship is great and will make you happy. I've learned I'm happier being alone."
7."That you should never go to bed angry. Nonsense. Go to bed angry. If you're still angry when you wake up, THEN talk about it when you're fresh and rested and can be rational. 99 times out of 100, you won't still be angry in the morning, though."
8."Opposites attract. This is true if both parties want to learn and grow, but it's hell otherwise."
9."Being depressed or in a low place mentally does not mean I don't deserve to be in a romantic relationship. The phrase 'If you can't love yourself, how can you love somebody else?' Is complete and utter bullshit."
10."Not all relationships are able to be worked through. Sometimes, instead of sticking it out and hoping it improves, it’s better to cut it off. Of course, this is subjective, and a number of factors come into play on whether or not something is salvageable."
11."If you love someone enough, they will change."
12."If you don't meet their needs, they will cheat. I was never cheated on, but it was a huge fear of mine. I thought it was normal to not trust your partner completely until I met my current boyfriend. Cheating has nothing to do with who you are as a partner but who your partner is as a person. A healthy partner will leave without cheating if their needs aren't being met. Cheating has to do entirely with who your partner is. I am forever grateful to have a partner like my current one."
13."If they look happy, it must mean they're happy. No, far from it. Some people can really fake a good relationship in front of family and friends. If you argue a lot, it means it's a bad relationship and you have to leave ASAP."
14."That I had to sacrifice my wants and needs for my partner just because I love them and prioritize them over everything. You should always put loving yourself above everything else. I people-pleased for too long and only got used by the end of it. Your partner should always love and respect you as you do for them without needing to put yourself down for it."
15."That you shouldn't talk badly about your S.O., you can address problems directly with them, there's never a reason to involve third parties. I still think there are types of people who take this to the extreme and make it a sport to badmouth their S.O.s, especially to make sexist comments about their actions, and that's definitely bad. But talking to trusted friends about something you are struggling to process is very important and can give you the objective perspective needed to notice some red flags."
16."That 'love' is primarily a feeling. In a long-term committed relationship, love is a verb. It's something you choose to do consistently with your partner. It means choosing your words and actions in a way that honors their feelings and needs. It requires treating your partner with respect, dignity, and compassion day in and day out. Those things are an absolute prerequisite and foundation for healthy love."
17."That someone else 'completes you.' You can most definitely complement each other, but there is not a person on this earth that will make you good with YOU. You have to figure that shit out before seriously considering a lifetime commitment to another person. Treat yourself with grace and do not take anything less."
Do you have a misconception about relationships that wasn't mentioned above? If so, tell us what it is and why in the comments below.
