Being in a relationship often means growing and finding new ways to connect with your partner. So when I saw that Reddit user u/1oneawayasked the r/AskWomen community: "What simple thing has or would have the most positive impact on your marriage or relationship?" I thought it would be helpful to share their answers if you're in the market for love advice. Here's what they had to say.
1."Understanding these overall concepts: 1.) A relationship has an underlying contract, whether you want to acknowledge it or not. Over time, the terms of that contract may change, but you have to make sure both parties sign off on all changes. Most relationships drift apart when one of the signing parties starts signing off on changes without presenting the contract to the other person for sign-off. Communication is key, but so is awareness of the little changes we go through in desires and preferences as we grow and evolve as people."
2."Viewing every relationship issue as 'us vs. the problem' instead of 'me vs. you.'”
3."One thing that I noticed about my partner that really makes me know I've found a good person is how much he's willing to learn from me in very, very little ways. I spend a lot of time on AITA — and there are constant stories of absolute garbage partners who won't lift a finger and refuse to learn or try to contribute. My partner will see me cooking something they don't know how to cook or cleaning something they don't know how to clean — basically doing anything a certain way — and then he'll come over and ask me about what I'm doing, why I'm using certain products, or how I know something is done. To be clear, he already can cook and clean things. But it means a lot to me that he sees things that I do and instead of thinking: 'I don't have to worry because she's got it,' I can tell he's thinking, 'How can I take this off her plate?'"
4."Finding time together. Life gets busy. Sometimes your relationship can’t be first, but you have time to find moments to just BE together. We used to get a sitter and run errands together. Grab a coffee and do the grocery/Target/oil change type stuff together."
5."Growing up, trauma instilled by my parents included silent treatment when they disapproved of anything I did. When I first got into the relationship I am in now, I started to see how toxic it was to just not talk and wait for the problem to go away. Both my therapist and my fiancé helped me work through it and understand that it is not about 'winning' and once you learn to put in the effort and admit when you're wrong and say sorry, the misunderstandings become easier to talk through and don't have to escalate into fights. We very rarely fight anymore because we communicate better, and are therefore happier."
6."Doing little things for my wife. Bringing her morning coffee, and packing her lunches. Every day acts of affection matter."
7."At my husband's suggestion, we have an alarm at the end of every day called 'grateful.' We spend a minute just highlighting anything big or small that the other person has done that we’re grateful for, or if we’ve had a fight, what the other person did that helped conflict resolution/repair. It helps each partner remember the good things the other person has done and where they’ve put effort into the relationship. It also helps to hear the other person's reflection of what helped so we understand each other’s experiences and perspectives better. It provides reinforcement of all the good that occurs so we don’t dwell on what we might have gotten wrong, but also on what we got right and where it helps. This has definitely helped strengthen the relationship through different conflict styles and neurodiverse differences."
8."That you two are two different people. He has his preferences. She has her own. Accepting that will save you from a lot of trouble."
9."Kindness. Making sure you understand that you should be each other's best friend and advocate. Even if you have a conflict, be unfailingly kind. This also means reminding your partner to be kind to themself. This morning, my husband said something self-degrading and I gave my usual response-joking, 'Don’t you talk like that about my husband!'”
10."Two different bathrooms. Trust me: it's a game-changer."
11."Effort. It’s the little stuff like wanting to make someone happy, doing chores unprompted, and checking in on each other. Exhibiting desire both physically and emotionally. Being a good person carries over into your romantic relationships."
12."Following up on promises."
13."Respecting the need for solitude and that it can be important to carve time for pursuing our individual curiosities, rather than always making compromises so we can do things together as a couple."
14."Trust. If that isn't established from the start then the relationship is doomed from the very start."
15."Care. It's big in my relationship because I'm severely autistic and struggle with talking to people I don't know, so whenever my boyfriend and I are out in public, he usually speaks for me whenever we visit a place like a store or a cafe. It's so helpful because I can barely ever start a sentence when I talk to someone I don't know."
16."Realizing that it won’t always be 50/50. Sometimes it’ll be 80/20."
Do you have any simple relationship tips that have made the most positive impact on your marriage or relationship? If so, tell us what they are in the comments below:
