Since dating can sometimes feel like an Olympic sport, it can be helpful to receive support from an expert who may know a thing or two about love and relationships.
Enter Blaine Anderson — otherwise known as @datingbyblaine — a full-time dating coach who has coached more than 1,500 men over the past decade. Blaine recently went viral on Instagram by sharing the most common mistakes she sees "inexperienced" men make.
In the video, Blaine begins by stating the first common mistake most inexperienced men make is coming on too strong.
Next up, their second mistake: masking their feelings.
Blaine says the third mistake is reading too much into everything.
And finally, the fourth mistake is not staying present.
When Blaine posted this video, it garnered over 600,000 views and more than 300 comments, where people expressed their thoughts on the subject matter — and they were pretty split.
For instance, some people agreed with Blaine's relationship advice.
Whereas others were unsure of the interpretation Blaine offered.
After watching this video, I wanted to learn more — so I reached out to Blaine. She explained that she completely understands why there might be confusion when it comes to this advice. "As much as I love creating Instagram Reels, the short format isn't always ideal for sharing nuanced advice, and I may have inadvertently sent the wrong message here."
While a lot of people these days do connect via DMs or dating apps, Blaine emphasized that it's best to "minimize the messaging, and move to meet in person ASAP."
Of course, safety is important to consider and Blaine said there does need to be a minimum level of trust that needs to be built before men can ask someone they've just met online on an IRL date. (And this is even more important for women to feel safe who are considering going on a face-to-face date.) However, once there's a mutual trust established between both parties, Blaine said that "messaging beyond that level tends to be time wasted. You learn less about your compatibility with someone over two weeks of messaging than you do from two minutes of talking in person."
And if a man has social anxiety, it's even more important to have face-to-face time with the person that they're interested in, "because they may use messaging as a stalling tactic for meeting in person."
"Having observed literally thousands of singles, I can think of few, if any, examples where more messaging with a near or total stranger before a date was beneficial, and countless examples where it turned out to be a complete waste of time," she said.
So when it does come time to connect in person, Blaine suggested building the confidence to find the right balance between "coming on too strong" and "being too coy." Her advice? Go volunteer or be useful to other people.
But what if a man is having issues with the other mistakes Blained mentioned in the video, such as masking their feelings or not staying present during a conversation? Blaine gave some suggestions below:
When it comes to learning how to be more open or vulnerable, Blaine advised building confidence in the things you bring to the table, whether or not they mesh with traditional models of masculinity. Also, leave behind toxic stereotypes like "the strong and silent" archetype and the "real men score" type.
As for learning how to stay present, Blaine said that since a lot of people don't even notice when their minds are wandering, the first step is to simply observe it when it does happen. "The best strategy to stay present is to consciously focus on listening," she added.
