Women And Men Are Revealing The Sex Techniques That Helped Them Become MUCH Better In The Bedroom, And These Will Hit ~The Spot~

"It's about having a partner you can share your secret turn-ons with so that you can act out with each other the things, ideas, and fantasy situations you would masturbate to when you're alone with your own sexy thoughts."

If you're in the market for new ways to make sex more fun, then you ~came~ to the right spot. Reddit user u/Zdvj asked, "What's the secret to good sex?" and the people delivered smart and thoughtful answers. Plus, there were opinions from those who either agreed (or disagreed) with these tips. Here's some of what they had to say:

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1. "Don't come too fast."

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—u/sometimes-wondering

Opinion #1: "As a guy, the best way not to come too fast is to keep your penis out of the equation until she's begging for it. You got hands and a tongue — use them."

—u/RaphaelSolo

Opinion #2: "As a woman, I disagree. Nothing wrong with when you do, even if it's 'early.' Just make sure both parties leave satisfied. The show doesn't end just because you did. This is the biggest misconception and problem with porn. After the dude finishes, end scene. It puts this thought into men's heads that the romp is done. If she ain't finished, then neither are you. There are other tools you can use: hands, mouth, toys, etc."

—u/velaya

2. "Libido is a HUGE part of it. Everything is sexy when your libido is through the roof, and nothing is sexy when it's down. You can improve your own libido by taking care of your physical and mental health, especially by reducing stress. And you can also improve your partner's life (and subsequently libido) by helping them with the same."

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—u/Captcha_Imagination

Opinion #1: "Part of libido is innate, though. I’ve always had a pretty high one. My late wife was, in retrospect, nearly asexual, even though I reduced her stressors around the house by doing pretty much all the chores (I know this because the only one that I picked up after she died was emptying the dishwasher). But if we had sex once a month in the last decade, it was a good month. At our peak over 40 years, we averaged three times a month. My current partner has a libido that matches mine, and we can have sex once or twice a day."

—u/ibelieveindogs

Opinion #2: "On the opposite end is me with a very low libido in general. I will look at a woman and not really feel anything. I get horny sometimes, but it's only then that anything seems 'sexy' to me. If I had a partner, I'd probably only do it once a month, maybe once a year, depending on how needy they would be."

—u/KiritoMadara

3. "Compatibility, enthusiasm, selflessness, and good communication."

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—u/justanotherstr4nger

Opinion #1: "Good communication doesn't need to be verbal. Giving feedback and being responsive to feedback are key."

—u/VoiceOfRealson

Opinion #2: "Strongly disagree with 'selflessness.' Good sex requires a partner who knows what they want and is ready to value and express their desire, while also prioritizing their partners' desires and honoring their limits.

"Things get really weird when a partner is not willing to own and express their desires."

—u/pythiowp

4. "Depends. If it's with one person, be attentive and passionate. If you're in a room swapping as part of a couple, try to enjoy both your pleasure and theirs. If you're in a threesome, divide your attention equally unless you're in a relationship with one party of the threesome — then divide your time from 75% to 25%. And if you're in an orgy, just run with whatever feels right."

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—u/Herecomethefleet

Opinion #1: "Hard disagree on the attention split if you’re having a threesome with someone you’re in a relationship with. It should always be equal, if not more focused on the person you’re not in a relationship with! Otherwise, you’re just treating them as a novelty human sex toy, and that’s not cool."

—u/mistymistery

Opinion #2: "If you're in a threesome with your partner and it's your first time, go ahead and divide that attention 90% to 10% if you ever want to have another one. The third person should just be there for the assist the first time you do it so everyone is comfortable and happy. If your partner is feeling it, go ahead and jump up to 75%."

—u/SCastleRelics

5. "As a man who isn't particularly gifted when it comes to size or stamina, I've found a good rule to abide by is to just make sure you make her come before you ever enter her. That way, even if you end up being a two-minute-to-win-it kind of guy, everyone still got theirs. Also, toys, lube, and variety never hurt. Also, don't be afraid to laugh at something silly during sex. If I'm comfortable enough around you to want to be naked and stick my penis inside you, then I should be comfortable enough to laugh at an accidental fart during a quiet, sensual moment. It's not that serious, and it's much better to stop the moment a bit and get back to the mood prior than to ruin it with awkwardness."

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—u/Yinyang1492

Opinion #1: "This. I’ve never come from penetration. The best sex is when a guy gets me there before penetration. Then I still have all the feel-good chemicals floating around while we get him to where he wants to be. Best of both worlds."

—u/MissHyacinth21

Opinion #2: "I'm going to amend this by saying, this is by no means always the way to go. Some women may orgasm and then just be done, so maybe the timing there is different. Just communicate well, be open to different stuff, and just remember, you're both there to have fun; it's not that serious."

—u/Yinyang1492

6. "In a long-term relationship, it's about keeping things sexy. This means partaking in foreplay and lots of it, sending dirty and flirty text messages throughout the day, and dancing in the living room. Also, a partner who wants to please you — that's very important. We are in our late 60s and have been together a quarter century, and it just keeps getting better, and less frequent, but that once a week is so darn good."

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—u/CalypsoBee

Opinion #1: "Once a week you say...FML."

—u/Austinswill

Opinion #2: "I totally agree. We are 60 and have been married for 35 years. We maybe have sex once every five to seven days now, but it is still great and we can’t wait to get each other off."

—u/triggsmom

7. "Emotional intimacy. Sex is significantly better with someone you are emotionally connected to."

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—u/PhoenixMason13

Opinion #1: "If you look forward to the after-fuck cuddles, then you got yourself an emotional connection."

—u/darthmaui728

Opinion #2: "This is a funny one to me because for the longest time, I was thinking the opposite of this, and I just thought sex with a hot person was the best. It's still great, but sex with someone you care about and you’re in the mood for is way better."

—u/Happyman321

8. "After a number of years together, it’s apparently a clean house."

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—u/MuddyBlueShoe

Opinion #1: "Fresh bedsheets enhance the experience a lot."

—u/OvenCrate

9. "Discovering that your partner is the right sort of partner for you. I mean, yes, two people can have good sex (most likely if each is trying to please the other during their naked times together). The idea I'm trying to convey is about having a partner you can share your secret turn-ons with so that you can act out with each other the things, ideas, and fantasy situations you would masturbate to when you're alone with your own sexy thoughts. This may not be 'the Answer' alone, but maybe one part of it, which can make good sex even better."

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—u/BledditV

Opinion #1: "I think this is great! It allows trust with each other and a different level of comfort to be able to experience these intimate moments, find out what works and what doesn't, and, who knows, possibly find a new favorite."

—u/LadyVelrankian

Opinion #2: "Trust is huge. My partner and I are in our 30s, and she recently discovered she likes the whole sub-dom dynamic in bed. Turns out I’m just the first person she’s trusted enough to try it with, and it’s been a secret fetish of mine for years. Open communication, enthusiastic consent, and listening to each other's body language are definitely the way to go."

—u/Ceejeh

10. "Tell your partner in a loving way (not the porn star way) how sexy, beautiful, and pleasing they are. Give endearing compliments often during sex, yet be aware not to be overly so. A comment once or twice is all it takes. It's a marathon, not a sprint. Pay attention to your partner's body language. That will tell you a lot. Be attentive to their needs and take just as much, or more, enjoyment from giving pleasure as from receiving it. It's completely OK NOT to be in the mood. At those times, give fantastic body rubs and massages without sexual expectations. A clean, private hot tub. Don't be intimidated by using toys with your lady, guys. My wife and I didn't start doing this until our late 20s, and her sex life was enhanced nicely, which made mine more pleasing as a side benefit."

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—u/Blackhawk-388

Opinion #1: "'Without sexual expectation' is key, because if you can't drop it, then any nice thing you do comes across as manipulation. You might think that you've only requested sexual attention, but if you punish or pressure the person after they decline, then it's not a request, it's a demand."

—u/strang3daysind33d

Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.

Do you have any tricks or tips for having good sex? If so, tell us what they are in the comments below.