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Which Harper Café Barista Are You?

UChicago's Harper Café Invites you to see which member of the family you are. Get ready for a good quiz: it's ServSafe Certified.

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  1. Dean Boyer walks into the cafe. How do you react?

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    Ask him to come to the Off-Off show this Friday at 7 at the Revival
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    Offer to sell him a copy of "No Sharp Objects," available on Amazon Kindle for $3.00
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    Get distracted and forget to serve him his blueberry scone
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    Just be really goddamn polite
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    Tell him to read the 4-part NYT article about the Syrian Refugee Crisis
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    Serve him coffee?
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    I wouldn't be behind the counter because I only take shifts at Ex-Libris
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    Take a smoke break
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    Try not to make eye contact when he calls you by the wrong name
  2. How would you describe your sex life in a drink on the Harper Menu?

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    A Pourover
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    When a customer asks you for hot water but then goes and gets their tea bag somewhere else
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    Hot Cocoa: Not often, but always satisfying
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    PG Tips. Always PG Tips.
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    A Macchiatto, not your usual trip to Starbucks
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    Small Dark Roast Coffee
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    pumpkin spice (except we don't serve that here)
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    a Red-Eye 2 keep u up all nite
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    Dirty Chai ;)
  3. What Shifts do you take?

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    Sorry, I'm in rehearsal :( Can't take any more shifts lol
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    It doesn't matter, you'll be late to them anyways
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    Whatever covers Ex-Libris needs
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    Any, as long as Drew's working them
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    Any, as long as Rami isn't working them
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    Not night shifts, need my beauty sleep
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    Anything after 5 so I can play Skepta really loud
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    *im a morning person!!!! i'll cover your opening!!!!*
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    Closing shifts with Lauren so that I don't have to talk to anyone but Lauren
  4. You're about to send an email out to the listhost asking for a cover. How does it start?

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    Hey y'all,
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    hi pals!
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    bump
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    hi hello beebs
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    I don't need covers, I take them at Ex-Libris
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    What's up fam?
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    i just don't show up lol
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    Associates:
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    much love,
  5. A customer is mean. How do you respond?

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    Look into their soul and destroy them
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    honestly cry probably
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    Sort them out
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    Complain to my coworkers but make the story really damn funny
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    Answer all their questions really nicely and then tell a story about this evil customer for the rest of the quarter #chopstickgirlneverforget
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    tsk tsk... an Aries.
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    Just deal with them and smile
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    viva la vida m8
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    take out the trash and then smoke to relieve the pain
  6. It's Mega Shabbat night. Where are you?

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    At the head of the table, singing along
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    "writing an essay"
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    at DKE
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    Supporting the 31st generation of Off-Off at their show this friday at the Revival
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    Tagging along but making plans to get high after yikes
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    There, eating all of the bread
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    Busy.
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    There, for the incredible cultural experience
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    Sleepy :(((
  7. What kind of music are you playing on your closing shift?

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    Yellow Live 2012 (the 7 minute version)
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    The Ethel Merman Disco Album
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    Spotify Family Road Trip Playlist
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    Mumford And Sons
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    Phantom of the Opera
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    Arctic Monkeys
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    Ex-Libris doesn't play music
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    Amy Winehouse
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    Mura Masa
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