1. They began celebrating the first successful cryogenic freezing.
He had no way of telling them he was still conscious.
2. I decided to start killing off characters in the book I'm writing.
Seems like a good way to spice up my autobiography.
3. The driver wasn't very chatty, so I looked at my phone.
"Hey, it's your Uber, I'm outside."
4. The people say that in the woods, there lives a werewolf who hunts every night.
I find this ridiculous, as I am the only resident of the woods, and I think I'd know if a werewolf was hunting.
5. For my third and final wish, I wished for my family to be happy.
Then I started to fade away.
6. I watched her cry as she read her boyfriend's suicide note.
It took ten tries, but I finally got the handwriting to look like his.
7. "We found your daughter," the officer said, drawing an X on the map.
And then he drew another and another and another and another...
8. "Now, be careful", he said as he let me into his group of survivors, "that line of sea salt is the only thing keeping them out".
I grinned as I calmly said, "Rock salt, sir, it's rock salt that keeps us out."
9. "Thanks for the gold, kind stranger," I said.
Then I smiled as I ripped his gold tooth from his gums.
10. The computer says that the oxygen ran out three days ago.
So how are the astronauts still screaming?
11. I found a picture of me sleeping on my phone.
I live alone.
12. Last night, I heard my mom call me from the kitchen.
As I approached the stairs, my mom put her hand over my mouth, pulled me into her bedroom, and whispered, "I heard it too."
13. Laying in bed, I saw my wife on the baby monitor, holding our newborn son in the nursery downstairs.
Then my wife walked out of the master bathroom and asked, "What's wrong?" when she saw the horrified look on my face.
14. Sleep did not come easily for me that night, as the strange new cabin presented me with strange paintings of the damned.
Sleep has never come easily for me since, as I woke up the next morning to find no paintings, only windows.
15. I heard the sound of knocking on glass.
I thought it was coming from the window, but it was coming from the mirror.
16. I woke up in the middle of the night to the sound of my Amazon Alexa.
"Ok, the security alarms have been disabled."
17. It's dark, cold, and smells in here, and I can't even move or sate my hunger.
I wish I'd been cremated.
18. They say a picture is worth 1000 words.
When I photograph my models, every one of those words is, "help."
19. As I saw her standing over my bed, I noticed that it was 2:27am.
I suddenly woke up, noticed that it was 2:26, and heard the door crack open.
20. I've been sitting at my computer for five hours.
I saw its reflection in my laptop screen, and I don't dare move.
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