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    Nick Offerman Has Already Planned A Totally Majestic Funeral And Chris Pratt Will Be There

    A funeral fit for Ron Swanson.

    Nick Offerman is a different person than Ron Swanson, which can often be pretty easy to forget. / Via NBC

    Like in this June interview with Maxim, where Offerman gave a very Ron Swanson-like answer on whether, as a woodworker, he would build his own casket.

    Here's his amazingly elaborate response, which involves Chris Pratt shooting a flaming arrow:

    "In a manner of speaking, for I shall con­struct my own elvish watercraft in which I'll undergo a magnificent Viking funeral."


    "My loved ones and friends will frolic around a ceremonial pyre on an oceanfront cliff, making music and love and merry as my death ship sails toward the setting sun."

    Here's where Chris Pratt comes in:

    As it nears the extreme range of a long bow, Chris Pratt will light a large flaming arrow from the pyre, nock the arrow to his string, draw the bow taut with a mighty heave, then loose it in a long, majestic arc of fire and smoke until, impossibly, its tooth is ensnared, dartlike, in the main sail of my barque, immolating the entire boat in a frenzy of roaring conflagration until the funerary blaze descends, hissing smoke, into the welcoming arms of Mother Pacifica.

    Maxim then asked, "And what are people saying over that casket?" Offerman replied, "Nice fucking shot, Chris."

    It's just not going to get any better than that. / Via NBC

    H/T Imgur

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