Nick Offerman Has Already Planned A Totally Majestic Funeral And Chris Pratt Will Be There
A funeral fit for Ron Swanson.
Nick Offerman is a different person than Ron Swanson, which can often be pretty easy to forget.
Like in this June interview with Maxim, where Offerman gave a very Ron Swanson-like answer on whether, as a woodworker, he would build his own casket.
Here's his amazingly elaborate response, which involves Chris Pratt shooting a flaming arrow:
"In a manner of speaking, for I shall construct my own elvish watercraft in which I'll undergo a magnificent Viking funeral."
"My loved ones and friends will frolic around a ceremonial pyre on an oceanfront cliff, making music and love and merry as my death ship sails toward the setting sun."
Here's where Chris Pratt comes in:
As it nears the extreme range of a long bow, Chris Pratt will light a large flaming arrow from the pyre, nock the arrow to his string, draw the bow taut with a mighty heave, then loose it in a long, majestic arc of fire and smoke until, impossibly, its tooth is ensnared, dartlike, in the main sail of my barque, immolating the entire boat in a frenzy of roaring conflagration until the funerary blaze descends, hissing smoke, into the welcoming arms of Mother Pacifica.