Food

24 Reasons Brunch Is The Absolute Worst

When these things happen, it makes me want to remove my eyeballs with a grapefruit spoon.

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Disclaimer: I don't hate everything about brunch. Like, the fact that it's OK to eat a burger and pancakes and a doughnut in the same meal should not be undersold.

But so much about brunch sucks really, really hard. For example...

4. When everything on the menu has to tell you how special it is.

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Do not need to know that this artisanal bacon was smoked over a fire fueled by reclaimed barn wood and hand-tended by a farmer with a PhD in semiotics.

8. When the coffee is way more complicated than it has to be.

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No, I actually don't need to read a picture book about the special home-schooled Kenyan elephant named Florentine that shat out my coffee beans, I just need you to fill a mug with decent coffee and give it to me. And then continue to refill it.

14. When you start to hate what you ordered halfway through the meal.

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Newton's Law of Brunch: If you order pancakes, you'll wish you had ordered eggs. If you order eggs, you'll wish you had ordered pancakes.

15. When people bring their babies.

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It could be the nicest brunch in the world. Your. Baby. Does. Not. Care. Your baby does not know what brunch is. Your baby will cry. And then I will hate you and I will hate your baby, who probably is cute and doesn't deserve that.

22. When you can tell that everyone working at the restaurant hates your guts.

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Because they could be at home, sleeping, and instead they're here and you're asking if they can do a vegan version of the French toast.