17 Cooking Projects Ain't Nobody Got Time For

Listen, I love that you love to glue individual sprinkles into mosaics on cupcakes. But some of us, well...we have other dreams.

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7. Baking five different cake layers in five different colors and then carefully slicing and arranging them so as to create one super-creepy clown cake:

Is this for children? Do you realize a) how little they will appreciate your painstaking application of food coloring and b) how goddamn scary that clown is?

8. Layering 1 million Jell-O flavors to create this monstrosity:

In the time it takes you to make this, you could also:

- write a novel

- raise a child

- learn Swedish

- go to the moon and bring back some cool moon rocks

- write a second novel, this time in Swedish

9. Inserting tiny fragments of bacon and arugula into the scooped-out halves of grape tomatoes:

Do you need me to make you a real, normal BLT sandwich in order to understand why this is annoying? Because I'll do it.

11. Arranging carefully trimmed cubes of stuff into this cubical salad:

The paradox is this: If you eat so much as a cube, the cumulative cubularity will be irreparably harmed. This can only end in tears.

17. Hiding candy inside these elaborately constructed piñata cookies:

Do you want to know how many steps there are in this how-to slideshow? 30. There are 30 steps. Do you want to know how many steps there are in purchasing and eating a bag of piñata-free M&M's? Two.