The Undisputed Hogwarts House Sorting of American Presidents

We sorted all of the Presidents of the United States into Hogwarts Houses. I'm sure this will finally settle all debate on which house would get to claim President James Garfield, so you can shut down Reddit now.

George Washington, 1789-1797

Gilbert Stuart Williamstown Portrait of George Washington

Gryffindor - So much of our understanding of Washington is clouded in myth. He is the American Cincinnatus, the father of our country, etc., but he was the guy who showed up to the First Continental Congress in full military uniform. Washington was the platonic ideal of a brave leader, so he's obviously a Gryffindor.

John Adams, 1797-1801

Official Presidential portrait of John Adams (by John Trumbull, circa 1792)

Ravenclaw - Adams was an intellectual who was not really an effective leader.

Thomas Jefferson, 1801-1809

Official Presidential portrait of Thomas Jefferson (by Rembrandt Peale, 1800)

Slytherin - TJ could also go into the Ravenclaw column, but he was a nasty campaigner who was happy to slander his once and future friend, John Adams, to claim the presidency.

James Madison, 1809-1817

Slytherin - Just look at his picture. He is Lucius Malfoy.

James Monroe,1817-1825

James Monroe White House portrait 1819

Gryffindor - Monroe was wounded at the Battle of Trenton. That's gotta count for something.

John Quincy Adams, 1825-1829

George P.A. Healy - John Quincy Adams (1857)

Ravenclaw - JQA, as his friends call him, was sent off by his father to study from a young age and became a professor at Brown and Harvard and a renowned diplomat.

Andrew Jackson, 1829-1837

Slytherin - I try not to subscribe to the idea that all Slytherins are evil, but this dude was obviously a Slytherin.

Martin Van Buren, 1837-1841

Martin Van Buren by Mathew Brady c 1855-58

Hufflepuff - he was a meticulous dresser and loved a good dinner party. I bet he appreciated being so close to the kitchens.

William Henry Harrison, 1841

Gryffindor - So brave that he didn’t need to wear weather-appropriate attire.

John Tyler, 1841-1845

Hufflepuff - Tyler was a kind soul, deeply caring, and somewhat aloof.

James Knox Polk, 1845-1849

James Knox Polk by GPA Healy, 1858

Slytherin - Polk was an introvert, but he overcame that through force of will and ambition to rise to the presidency. He’s often called an over-achiever by biographers.

Zachary Taylor, 1849-1850

Gryffindor? Hufflepuff? Whatever. Look at his face, he doesn't care. Probably a squib

Millard Fillmore, 1850-1853

Ravenclaw - “A practical, unemotional man, he relied on logic and common sense to make a point in argument. He appealed to the mind rather than to the heart.”

Franklin Pierce, 1853-1857

Mathew Brady - Franklin Pierce

Hufflepuff - I think he has a vague resemblance to Cedric Diggory.

James Buchanan, 1857-1861

Hufflepuff - He was an incredibly personable bachelor who had incredible affections to his family and friends, and was dedicated to his friends and family above all.

Abraham Lincoln, 1861-1865

Gryffindor!

Andrew Johnson, 1865-1869

Hufflepuff - Johnson shunned Washington society, preferring the company of old friends.

Ulysses S. Grant, 1869-1877

Gryffindor - He was a military general who was exceedingly brave and practiced at leading troops into battle, but he was in over his head in matters of state.

Rutherford Birchard Hayes, 1877-1881

Ravenclaw - Hayes respected his political opponents and welcomed constructive criticism to make his ideas and policy better... sounds like a Ravenclaw to me.

James Abram Garfield, 1881

Ravenclaw - If you asked him a question in English, he could write the response in Latin with his left and and in Greek in his right.

Chester Alan Arthur, 1881-1885

Hufflepuff - that muttonchops/mustache combo is full-on Hufflepuff

Grover Cleveland, 1885-1889, 1893-1897

Let’s go with Gyffindor, I think he’d like it.

Benjamin Harrison, 1889-1893

Ravenclaw - Harrison was cold and it sounds like he was kind of a jerk, but he was very well respected for his intelligence and attention to detail.

William McKinley, 1897-1901

Hufflepuff - Maybe not the best speaker, but he was one of the most beloved presidents of all time, and who doesn't love Hufflepuffs?

Theodore Roosevelt, 1901-1909

Gryffindor - The Hero of San Juan Hill, The Trust Buster, The LION! Those are nicknames of a Gryffindor for sure.

William Howard Taft, 1909-1913

Ravenclaw - After the presidency, Taft became a professor of law and legal history at Yale and later became Chief Justice of the Supreme Court.

Woodrow Wilson, 1913-1921

Slytherin - Wilson was an academic so there are Ravenclaw tendencies, but he’s a Slytherin, as he really played the war profiteer fiddle for the US and then pushed his own League of Nations agenda. He was smart but he was also incredibly arrogant, and always thought he was right.

Warren Gamaliel Harding, 1921-1923

Hufflepuff - Though he did Slytherin to the white house closet with Nan Britton.

Calvin Coolidge, 1923-1929

“I made a bet today that I could get more than two words out of you.” Coolidge replied, “You lose.” That wit=Ravenclaw.

Herbert Clark Hoover, 1929-1933

Ravenclaw - Hoover was an engineer before entering political life and is often considered one of the few “technocrat” presidents. But no, he didn’t design the dam.

Franklin Delano Roosevelt, 1933-1945

Gryffindor - Just shut up if you disagree.

Harry S. Truman, 1945-1953

Gryffindor - He integrated the military, that’s pretty cool.

Dwight David Eisenhower, 1953-1961

Gryffindor - Commander during WWII, duh.

John Fitzgerald Kennedy, 1961-1963

Slytherin - Ambition up the wazoo, bad temper, and he appointed his own brother to the cabinet.

Lyndon Baines Johnson, 1963-1969

Slytherin - The dude would make congressman come to the bathroom with him while he relieved his bowels. If he was trying to convince legislators to support his agenda, he’d back them into a corner and loom over them with his over 6 foot frame. LBJ was really into intimidation and power politics.

Richard Milhous Nixon, 1969-1974

Slytherin. Period.

Gerald Rudolph Ford, 1974-1977

“Do you like football? Do you like nachos? Well, why don't you come over and watch the game and we'll have nachos and then some beer" - Gerald Ford, Hufflepuff

James Earl Carter, Jr., 1977-1981

Hufflepuff - Carter is the closest thing America will ever see to a Mr. Rogers President. He believes in hard work, patience, loyalty, equal opportunity, kindness, and fair play. I’d love to sit around the common room fire wearing a cardigan and enjoying a cup of tea with President Carter. And maybe he’d teach me how to build a house. Call me, Jimmy.

Ronald Wilson Reagan, 1981-1989

Gryffindor - Great leader who would never be accused of being a Ravenclaw.

George Herbert Walker Bush, 1989-1993

Ravenclaw - Witty, unpretentious advocate of practical policies.

William Jefferson Clinton, 1993-2001

Slytherin - He has a great mind for policy and numbers and whatever, but he is a skilled political strategist who knew what he wanted. Critics say he compromised often to make sure people liked him, but the guy got elected president twice because of that popularity. He convinced Democrats and Republicans that he agreed with them 100% on an issue, and then got them to agree with him at the end of the day. Dude’s sly.

George Walker Bush, 2001-2009

Hufflepuff - Say what you will about George W. Bush that he belongs in Gryffindor or Slytherin, but the man was decisive and driven by loyalty, and he went with his gut. Adding "compassionate" before conservative... classic Hufflepuff.

Barack Hussein Obama, 2009-2017

Gryffindor - This one is incredibly close, because you'd think that a guy this smart, a former professor who is interested in tech and nuances of policy and language would be a Ravenclaw. However, with the hat on his head, I'm pretty confident Barry would be thinking "come on Gryffindor!"

Hillary Rodham Clinton, 2017-

Ravenclaw - Partisan politics will lead most Democrats to call HRC a Gryffindor (she's a zealous advocate for the underprivileged and is always ready to fight for her beliefs) and most Republicans to call her a Slytherin (she's ambitious and critics would say she's unscrupulous in her pursuit of power), but President Clinton is, and always has been, an obvious Ravenclaw. Her mastery of policy and history, her pursuit of her own education, and her continued work to keep on top of developments in domestic and foreign policy made the sorting hat's choice pretty clear.