1. You always feel like you are failing at something or feel like you’re a failure.
Whether it is a failed test or a failed recipe that you saw Gordon Ramsay do, you can’t help but to feel like you are this huge failure of a person, which is super far from the truth.
By continuously self-reflecting, you are leaving yourself vulnerable to the opportunity of non-constructive criticism coming into your thought processes and making you feel constantly less than adequate.
To conquer this: Be okay with not getting things right the first time you do them because you are a human being through and through, and you are asking for too much of yourself by believing that you must be good at everything. If you don’t do something right the first time, that is called, trying or an attempt, not failure. Give yourself some credit for even starting something new.
2. You have empathy/sympathy for other people, but never yourself.
It come second nature to you to tell other people that they are doing a good job or see that they are trying their best, but for some reason, you never tell yourself the same thing. You probably find that the way that you talk to yourself doesn’t sound like a best friend, it sounds more like someone who is rooting for you to fail.
By not treating yourself with kindness and understanding, you’re robbing yourself of the grace that you give other people and that you so desperately need.
To conquer this: Practice positive self-talk and do your best to stop those negative thoughts every time they present themselves to you. Even if it’s a small thought of, “You’re terrible at this.” or “You’re not doing enough.”, those thoughts are not helpful and do more damage than good. Additionally, placing yourself around people who support you and uplift you can help you have better thoughts regarding yourself.
3. You don’t believe that you have what it takes to be successful/prosper.
Whether it is shying away from new challenges or meeting new people, you tend to walk away from things that would probably be good for you because you don’t think you are qualified or able to accomplish great things. This is most likely due to a lack of self-confidence due to constantly thinking or talking negatively of yourself.
You probably feel that you aren’t supposed to be successful or that if you do, it was by some kind of mistake or a fluke. These feelings can also lead to Impostor Syndrome, which can be best defined as self-doubt about one’s successes even though that individual is more than apt to succeed again.
To conquer this: Celebrate your wins, both large and small. Were you able to finally finish your degree? Celebrate that. Were you able to finally clean out that garage? Celebrate that. Your child finally went number #2 by themselves and left no mess? Celebrate that! Why? Because you were a part of it. The more you practice patting yourself on the back for living the mundane, the more you’ll allow yourself to enjoy living the mundane rather than putting immense pressure on yourself.
4. You always feel that you have to keep yourself busy and don’t like free time.
Remember how we talked about enjoying living the mundane, well, you probably thought to yourself, “Impossible.” Moments that present themselves for you to relax, take care of yourself, or do absolutely nothing, you tend to fill up with things that probably can be done another time or not be done at all. This could be dusting off the back of the television, clearing the spam emails, or cooking dinner three hours early than you usually do.
When you can’t relax and always have to keep busy, this is most likely because you have told yourself too many times that you are not doing enough, even when you have done above and beyond than that of what was requested of you to do.
To conquer this: Focus on setting a particular time or day where you do absolutely nothing. By setting a time and sticking to it, you allow yourself to get used to taking a day to yourself to accomplish nothing; it won’t feel foreign to you nor will it be a reason for you to tell yourself that you’re not doing enough. Even if it is for fifteen minutes, set time for yourself to do nothing.
5. You never ask for help. Ever.
Whether it’s because you don’t want others to see you fail or because you’re used to being strong all the time, you seldom ask for help even though you know you are drowning and suffering. This is often due to putting way too much pressure on yourself and believing that you always have to have it together; you made it thus far with independently and you truly believe that you have to continue to go on by yourself. News for you: If being hard on yourself lightened the weight of the world on your shoulders, it would have done it by now.
There is no need for you to carry this all by yourself or feel like you are the one who understands everyone else, but no one understands you. Being too hard on yourself can put up emotional walls and make it hard for you to be vulnerable; it will make you self-isolate and suffer in silence. You deserve better than that.
To conquer this: Write down the things that are just too much to carry. It could be taking care of the dishes every night or making the employee schedule, write whatever you feel that your plate needs less of. Once you have this list, think of people who can also do this job for you or ways that you can finesse this task off your to-do list. Don’t want to do dishes at night? Try doing them earlier in the day or better yet, use eco-friendly disposable plates. Employee schedule? Communicate with your boss that you are swamped and need to toss this task to someone else for a few.
All in all, it is of the utmost importance that you are your most loyal best friend and your biggest cheerleader. Life is already sometimes pretty heavy and you truly are doing yourself a disservice by being so unnecessarily hard on yourself.
You are doing a great job.
You are enough.
You will be successful.
You will make it through this.
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