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    Posted on Apr 19, 2017

    We Discovered The Three Keys To Being Named The World's Most Beautiful Woman By People Magazine

    In three easy steps.

    People magazine just released its annual "World's Most Beautiful Woman" issue. *Drumroll, please*

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    TA-DA!

    Because to be beautiful is to be featured in an annual list compiled by a super definitive and not-at-all subjective magazine.

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    People magazine: the authoritative source on all things people.

    And being the MOST beautiful woman in the whole entire WORLD means being No. 1 on said list.

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    So, what's a person gotta do to land this illustrious title?

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    Only THREE things, apparently.

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    We're not saying this is for sure People's benchmark for determining the "World's Most Beautiful Person." But we analyzed the past 27 honorees — the award was first given out in 1990 — and found three overarching traits.

    1. Be famous.

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    Fame, in this case, means the person in question meets at least ONE of the following criteria: (1) being so hot right now/media darling of the year, (2) having a leading or supporting role in a trending, buzzy American blockbuster film, and (3) being an overall international household name and mega superstar.

    2. Be a woman.

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    More specifically, a woman who publicly identifies as cisgender and heterosexual at the time.

    Preferably blonde.

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    (But brunette is cool too, tho.)

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    3. Be white.

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    Like most lists, there are exceptions.

    Exception 1: Be black — but only if you're the first black woman to ever win an Oscar for Best Actress...

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    ...or one of the very few black actresses to ever win an Academy Award for Supporting Actress.

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    No easy feat, considering that black women are historically less likely to win an Academy Award for Best Actress or Supporting Actress (8 out of 179) than they are People's Most Beautiful title (3 out of 27).

    Or, if you're Beyoncé ~Fucking~ Knowles.

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    In the 27-year history of the list, Halle Berry (2003), Beyonce Knowles (2012), and Lupita Nyong'o (2014) are the only black women to have topped it.

    Exception 2: Be Latina — but only if you're one of the world's most influential, history-making triple-threat performers of all time.

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    Jennifer Lopez is the only Latinx person to have been named the World's Most Beautiful person (2011).

    Exception 3: Be a white man — but only if you're one of the highest paid actors of all time.

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    Of the 27 past winners, a whopping 24 were women. Probably because being beautiful is something women are told to aspire to since birth. But, never known to be excluded, white men have been known to lead the "Most Beautiful" pack: Mel Gibson (1996), Tom Cruise (1997), and Leonardo DiCaprio (1998) were all knighted "Most Beautiful," too.

    So, in summary, to be crowned the world's most beautiful woman by People magazine is to be a really famous straight white lady.

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    When in doubt, just be Jennifer Aniston or Michelle Pfeiffer.

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    The very most beautiful, so they were picked TWICE.

    Or, even better, be Julia Roberts, a record FIVE-TIME winner and ipso facto the MOSTEST beautiful woman in the whole wide world.

    We would include Julia's fourth "Most Beautiful Person" cover from 2000, but the publicity team at People told us it's "restricted." Such mystery. Much beauty.

    Pretty simple, right?

    Comedy Central

    CORRECTION

    Oops! Julia Roberts was named People's "Most Beautiful Person" for the fourth time in 2010. A previous version of this post misstated the date.