No Comments From The Peanut Gallery, Please!

Fat people don't want to hear about how uncomfortable you are with them being fat.

Trigger Warning: This article mentions weight and eating disorders.

To preface, I am a 24-year old woman who has experienced multiple points of the spectrum: underweight, thin, "average" weight, "overweight", obese. I have experienced and witnessed the many ways in which people are treated differently according to their body size and I have lots of opinions on it. I also survived Anorexia Nervosa (Binge/Purge Subtype), which I was actively living with from ages 17 to 21, and am currently engaged in a lifelong recovery process from. Here are some things that you shouldn't say to fat people.

"I'm Just Concerned About Your Health!"

So here's the thing. I would love if you brought me chicken noodle soup when I have a cold or reminded me to drink my eight glasses of water a day. But since you never do that, I can only assume that this isn't about my personal well-being as much as you say, or even as much as you think. Let's be frank, if y'all were that concerned about an individual's health, you would put just as much effort expressing your concern over people who wear high heels or go sun tanning on the beach. But you don't! And that's because, whether you want to admit it or not, the main root of your endless "concern" is the discomfort you feel around people who don't fit your beauty standards.

"If You're Fat, You're Not Healthy!"

TV Land / Via giphy.com

While I could argue with many compelling studies that support the concept of Health at Every Size (HAES), I do recognize that there are some limits to this theory. However, here is one fact that is important to make known: obesity in itself is not unhealthy; somebody can have perfect vitals while at a high weight. Obesity is considered unhealthy because people may be more likely to develop certain health concerns: Type 2 diabetes, heart disease, kidney problems, etc.

LOTS of things will make a person pre-disposed to certain health issues: isolating yourself makes you more prone to the development of schizophrenia, a job that interferes with your sleep schedule increases risk of low functioning of the immune system. And yet the double standard continues.

Here's what I know: the health risks associated with dieting are nearly endless: heart disease, type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure, high stress levels, self-harm behaviours, eating disorders, and poor self-esteem, just to name a few. (and yes, that includes those diets-that-say-they-aren't-diets-but-in-fact-lifestyles-(but-they're-actually-diets).

Here's what I do know: with my eating disordered history, if I actively engage in trying to lose weight, I am very likely to relapse into my eating disorder. At the very least, I will become obsessive over my size and my mental health will spiral. Which means not trying to lose weight is currently the healthier option for me. And not only is mental health just as important as physical health, mental health is physical health. Which leads us to the next one...

"Being Fat is a Choice."

Disney / Via giphy.com

When I was Super Thin (pre-eating disorder), I ate like a 14 year-old boy after school and exercised like a snail who had just discovered reality TV. So, logically, it can go both ways, right? But people won't even accept first-hand accounts of fat people living healthy lifestyles because they don't want to believe it. After all, if someone can exercise, eat healthy, and still be fat, then that means it could happen to you. And who would want that?

But autoimmune disorders aren't uncommon and they can cause an inability to lose weight. Binge Eating Disorder is mental illness that is relatively common. And even if that's only a small percentage of the fat community, anyone who diets could have their metabolism greatly affected. Whatever the reason, it's very possible that a fat person engages in healthy behaviours and is still unable to lose weight (or it is much more difficult than it is for the "average" person. I currently do resistance workouts 4x a week, engage in cardio every day while walking my dog, and practice intuitive eating, which I learned under the guidance of a dietician. Behaviourally, I am the healthiest I have ever been. I am also the fattest.

Additionally, we need to address the systemic flaws of the concept that being fat is a choice and being thin is equal opportunity. Do a multi-millionaire celebrity with a personal chef & trainer and a single mother working three jobs with no time to herself for exercise or cooking (and can only afford fast food) have the same opportunity to be thin? No. They don't. Enough said.

"I'm Just Worried About the Promotion of Obesity."

This one always makes me wanna yell because... the promotion of obesity is NOT a thing. Nobody is telling someone to become obese and little children aren't looking up at obese people, aspiring to have an extra couple inches of fat. We simply want to be happy in our skin and not hate ourselves, our lives, and have everyone else hate us too, unconsciously or not. Considering 1/4 of Canadians and almost 2/3 of Americans are obese, you would think that embracing one's appearance, regardless of body size, would be a little more accepted.

"Fatphobia Is Not a Thing"

NBC / Via WiffleGif

First of all, let's address the initial "It'S NoT a FEaR" comment that is so pervasive on social media. Because, yeah, we get that. Much like the term "homophobia", here it can describe a deep dislike or prejudice. But now that we've gotten past the initial claim of you caring about etymology when you've never made any indication of such before, I would like to say that yes, fatphobia, or fat-shaming, or whatever you want to call it, is real.

It's real when strangers try to police what you wear because "How dare a fat girl wear a crop top!?"

It's real when men comment on a fat girl's Instagram photos and reels, saying they're not fuckable or deserving of love because of their size. (Yes, you have a right to your preferences, yes, that is entirely different from making generalized statements as if they were objective fact.)

It's real when fat people are bullied in schools and in the workplace.

It's real when doctors dismiss fat patients' valid health concerns with a quick "You need to lose weight"... even if the two are entirely unrelated.

It's real when eating disorder clients are told that they don't deserve their treatment because they're "not thin enough" and Anorexia receives the most awareness promotion despite the prevalence of Binge Eating Disorder and Bulimia Nervosa and OSFED, all which very likely involve high weight individuals and which make up the vast majority of eating disorder patients.

So yes, fatphobia is real.

I hope you learned something.

Lizzo / Via Giphy

I hope someone somewhere learned something from this. No matter the people who will write comments below completely disregarding the information above, I hope someone understands how what they say affects others, and they take these points into consideration. That the fat community while be treated with just a tiny bit more humanity than they were previously. And we'll keep working on it.