The Redline Report: Automotive Spirit Animals

Car manufacturers often look to the furry, scaly creatures that roam the Earth for design inspiration. The Dodge Viper, Lancia Hyena, Volkswagen Beetle, and Ford Mustang are only a few examples of this method being played out. Jaguar even goes so as far to emulate the characteristics of a species when it comes to what it puts under the hood, incorporating speed, agility and stealth to do the jaguar justice. Whether these manufacturers have purposefully or unintentionally done so (most of these are unintentional), many of their cars have distinct animalistic doppelgangers. Here's a list of the more notable automotive spirit animals! *Disclaimer: extreme sarcasm lies ahead*

1. BMW i3 | panda

Google image: BMW i3 and Panda

The BMW i3: equally as plush and cuddly-looking as it is unappealing and unattractive. To give the panda some dignity back after being compared to this eyesore, I will be honest and say I'd rather be seen with a Panda than next to the i3 or-heaven forbid-insideof one.

2. Plymouth Prowler | Horned Beetle

Google Images: Plymouth Prowler and Horned Beetle

The Prowler is even more beetle-like than the VW Beetle. Plymouth was either trying (and failing) to emulate a black panther, OR it had the assumption that horned beetles can be "Prowlers".

3. Pontiac Aztec | Mr. Scroop from Treasure Planet

Google images: Pontiac Aztec and Mr. Scroop from "Treasure Planet"

The Pontiac Aztec has been arguably the most ridiculed automotive design faux pas that has ever had the audacity to roll off the assembly line. It's so hideous that it would be an affront to any animal species that was compared to it, so here's a creepy spider/bug/alien creature from the epic Treasure Planet film.

4. Fiat Multipla | Goblin Shark

Google images: Fiat Multipla and Goblin Shark

Now, it may seem as though the Fiat Multipla gives the Pontiac Aztec a run for its money in the arena of how much your eyes burn when you look at it, but the Aztec still holds onto that title. The Multipla is about as intimidating on the road as its Pinocchio shark counterpart that is clearly lying about being a shark (just look at how long that nose is). Both creatures try to fight off their enemies by swatting at them with their elongated noses/hoods.

5. 1975 Jaguar XKE | Pufferfish

Google images: 1975 Jaguar XKE and Pufferfish

You're probably wondering why this 1975 *Jaguar XKE is being compared to a sea creature, but there's reasoning behind this that is backed by extensive research. Well, as extensive as me seeing this car on the road and always thinking of the cute, doughy-eyed Pufferfish, but this has happened for years and years, so that makes it extensive. Come on, just look at that face! Don't you just want to squeeze it until it blows up? Eh, maybe don't blow up the XKE, but you get it.

6. Lotus Elise | Jumping Spider

Google images: Lotus Elise and Jumping Spider

The Lotus Elise is just as adhesive to the road as the Jumping Spider is to its web, and look: they both come in Exige Orange! The only difference here is that the Jumping Spider has eight legs and eight eyes, so Lotus needs to step up its game and be the first manufacturer to mass-produce an eight-wheeled roadster with eight headlights. Imagine the hauling and the illuminating!

7. Porsche Boxster | Frog

Google Images: Porsche Boxter and Frog

*Ribbit ribbit*

8. Toyota Prius | Hairless Siamese Cat

Google Images: Toyota Prius and Hairless Siamese Cat

This comparison only comes naturally because each time I see a Toyota Prius on the road (you have to see it to know it's there because you're never going to hear it coming since it runs on vegetable oil), I instinctively hiss at it.

9. (Honorable Mentions That Don't Have To Do With Animals): The Fisker Karma and its Mustache

Google images: Fisker Karma and Black Mustache

No one can rock the lip rug quite like the Fisker Karma. I'd like to see another manufacturer dare to outdo this level of bro-stachery.

10. (Honorable Mentions That Don't Have To Do With Animals cont.): Jeremy Clarkson's Impression of the Morgan Aero 8

Ah, Jeremey Clarkson in the old days of the real Top Gear (before he got sacked for punching a producer in the face). It's okay though because bruises are fleeting, but losing the three best car show hosts of all time-Jeremy, Hammond (Richard) and Captain Slow (James)-is forever. Thankfully, the mourning of enthusiasts throughout the world was alleviated by The Grand Tour, which is basically just like Top Gear except our trio is basically unfiltered and they somehow manage to do even more ridiculous challenges than before. Check out the show on Amazon Video!