Folks, we're here to say that Old Spice is at it again. Remember that absolutely bizarre French-cologne-inspired commercial earlier this year?
Well, it seems they have somehow topped themselves in weirdness with another ad promoting their line of beard products...
OK, so the video starts out seemingly normal (if a little vintage), introducing "How To: Grow A Beard Part 2/2."
But wait. HANG ON. "Part 2/2"?? What in the...? What happened to Part One?! I tried searching everywhere and my mom's house but couldn't find it!
Whatevz. Let's try to break down the rest of this video together.
It appears to be some sort of local public access talk show hosted by someone we're presumably supposed to know.
He begins to vaguely discuss whatever the heck happened in elusive Part One: essentially tips and tricks for "growing that beard of yours."
Things get even weirder when he throws to his guest, Mark, who apparently shared a "heartbreaking story" in Part One — a story so heartbreaking, it's apparently rattled him to the core.
Without elaborating, the host begins detailing the benefits of the Old Spice beard products...
But before he can, Mark interrupts with his own insight.
Next, the host decides to take questions. Maybe now we'll get to the bottom of what exactly happened?
Suddenly, the host stops reading the question and shows the card to Mark who then offers a very solemn "no." So...that helps.
The host goes on to answer another question about the Old Spice beard products, including "beard wash, beard conditioner, beard oil..." He attempts to throw it to Mark again to finish the plug.
But Mark, being classic Mark, is not paying attention.
The host doesn't seem pleased by this. He does, however, decide to compliment Mark's beautiful beard.
Then, just when you'd think we might get some answers, it becomes apparent they're just messing with us because when the host asks Mark how he got his lovely beard, Mark directs us to follow the steps from part one.
Then! Out of nowhere, the set starts flashing red!
The host points to an old-timey hourglass, and both he and Mark and agree their time is up.
But Mark starts up again. OK, Mark, plz. We're begging you, bud. Give us something....
...but he just starts talking about Part One again.
Then the video ends and one of those "Up Next" screens pops up: "How to Grow a Beard — Part 1/2"!
But turns out it's completely fake.
And that's it. That's the video.
Touché, Old Spice. Touché.
All images Courtesy of Old Spice unless otherwise noted.