This is dedicated to all visitors and locals of New York-- a place where museums run rampant and confident people in tight pants amble intellectually about the city’s most popular artistic institutions.
Points to Note:
Who is your audience?
For example a somewhat ignorant friend, a smarter sibling or a fellow museumgoer lurking behind you.
Which museum are you visiting?
This is crucial to consider as it sets the tone for your outfit, stance, head tilts and commentary.
Hand and Body Poses:
The Front Tummy Clasp
The One Arm Grab
The Backwards Wrist Hold
The Lean In
The Painting:
First and most importantly, do not run to the most obvious and popular work of art. Walk in slow motion to find a smaller, more obscure and genuinely uninteresting piece and implement one of the aforementioned hand/body poses. Linger for at least a full 4 minutes (this may sound like a short amount of time but, believe me, your eyes and legs will burn by the end of this session). Approach the painting squinting your eyes determinedly and then walk 10 paces backward to illustrate your fascination with entire piece. A cool add-on would be to mutter a simple “wow” or “incredible”.
What to do if a Stranger Talks to you:
You can literally make up anything in response to a question or comment made by a stranger. Saying, “It makes me feel kind of sad” when standing in front of a painting clearly intended to evoke cheerfulness throws people for a loop. If remarking upon a portrait (picture of human being), take it back to Titanic’s famed character Jack, the boy who could have lived, and comment on the person’s hands.
Rinse and Repeat:
Moving from one painting to the next can be an awkward and sometimes horrifying experience, as you must make a split decision on where to turn next. Have no fear, simply circle back to the beginning of this guide and utilize these steps:
1.Lazily meander towards a humdrum piece of artwork
2.Implement the hand/body pose for at least 4 minutes
3.Squint, lean in, then walk backwards 10 paces
4.Make one word remark to self, then slowly move to another random painting
I hope this method will assist you just as it has helped me over the years. Following this method is 75% sure to guarantee your garnering respect from friends, family and strangers alike. This guide is rooted in the age- old principle of “Fake it till you make it.” Good luck *Taken voice*
Share This Article
