More Punny Than Funny, The Computer That Tells Gags

Puns are always the keys to every communication.

Without computers, there would be no information superhighway.

Nor would there be emails, online shopping or Internet banking at the click of a button.

But clever as they are, they can't do everything - such as telling jokes. In fact, the best gags they can come up with are so cheesy they would have made even the late Bob Monkhouse wince.

Despite its very best efforts, the aptly-named System to Augment Non-speakers Dialogue Using Puns (Standup) software has failed to produce any hilarious one-liners.

Even the scientists behind the latest computer program admit that far from creating rib-tickling classics its wisecracks are terrible.

The software was invented to help children with speech difficulties who need to use computerised speech aids to develop their language and communication skills.

Youngsters using the software can choose a word, which will form some or all of the punchline, from the system's dictionary. The program then writes the joke's opener.

It works by comparing the selected word with other words in its dictionary for phonetic similarity, or concepts that link the words together, and then fits them into a pun template.

Researchers hope the spontaneity and 'fun' of the invention will reverse the trend which shows that computerised speech aids can restrict the development of a child's language skills.

And, despite the poor quality of jokes, researchers claim the children who have tried the technology love them. Computer scientist Dr Annalu Waller, from the University of Dundee, led the project alongside colleagues from Edinburgh and Aberdeen universities.

She said: 'This research shows the importance of providing individuals with novel language.

'It has been wonderful to see young people with complex communication needs taking ownership of best puns and using them to take control of communication.'

My favorite 8 computers puns so far:

1- How do two programmers make money? One writes viruses, the other anti-viruses.

2- Where’s the best place to hide a body? Page two of Google.

3- If it weren’t for C, we’d all be programming in BASI and OBOL.

4- There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don’t.

5- In a world without fences and walls, who needs Gates and Windows?

6- Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.

7- Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon full of tapes hurling down the highway.

8- Why is it that programmers always confuse Halloween with Christmas?

Because 31 OCT = 25 DEC.