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1 Quiz. 10 garbage humans. Which are you?

Which Parachute Member Are You?

You are at a party and a stranger offers you some pills. What do you do?

Walking through the woods, you notice a hooded figure has been following you for 10 minutes. What do you do?

While babysitting, you notice that one of the kids has climbed out onto the roof. What do you do

You get a phone call in the middle of class saying that your mother has just died. what do you do?

It's time for lunch. You open up your lunch box, whats inside

a cat is stuck in a tree near your house! what do you do?

What is your sex life like?

You are a senior in high school, and on the first day of class, a freshman trips and dumps his pasta all over you. What do you do?

You go to the parking lot and find that someone has keyed your car. What do you do.

Your friends get you a cool pet for your birthday. What is it?

You poor, sad bastard. Whatever happened in your life that led you to get Gerson on this quiz, I sincerely pity you. You likely do not deserve the stream of rejection and emotional disability that is likely to inundate your life, but hey. Neither did Gerson. Have a good life, and remember: mindless repression heals all wounds.

Gerson

Jeez, you really screwed the pooch by getting George. You've got proportions of a spider monkey, the basic fashion sense of a spider monkey, and the social grace of, you guessed it, a spider monkey. I hope God kills you before you become aware of your actions, because jesus christ, imagine the embarassment.

George

You poor, naive piece of shit. Because you got Owen, you basically admit that at one point, you said the words 'Fuck you, mom. I'm following my dream' in utter seriousness. One time, you read a John Green novel and then couldn't sleep for a week because of how deeply you related to the main character.

Owen

Wow. Look at your stupid face. You got Sean, and that is just the pits. Your mother has been breathing down your neck for fucking years, and it is starting to wear you thin. You make up for it by acting like a goofball, but that only makes her chafe on you more. You swear to god, one of these days you're just gonna... you're just gonna...

Sean

You got Joe? JOE? Joe 'vice grip' Duva? I don't know whether to be proud or afraid. Joe is barely human. I'm pretty sure he doesn't conform to euclidean geometry. He gums coffee grinds. He vomits water. His eyes are simultaneously empty and brimming with expression. Fear Him. Fear Him

If there was a winner in this quiz, you would be it. You got Andy, the best of the bunch. You like the outdoors. You are an eagle scout, and do the right thing whenever possible. You have a strange reverse Oedipus complex, and want to kill your mom. All in all, you could have gotten a worse option.

Andy

Mitchell? You got Mitchell? I'm gonna be honest, you scare the living shit out of me. You go to parties with the intent of getting in a fight, and you have yet to lose. You have probably killed multiple people. The fact that you have killed multiple people doesn't phase you as much as it should. During sex, women scream your name, followed my the tagline 'please spare my children'

Mitchell

Do you make people feel slightly unclean whenever you talk about your interests? Because you just got Megan. You enjoy witchcraft, trashy gay romance novels, and emaciated white boys with some sort of venereal disease. Honestly, I don't know which of those is the worst. Have fun being Megan.

Megan

You are Mia, God's least favorite child. An unholy combination of Bird and Girl, the only thing you love more than lesbian sex is talking about how much you love lesbian sex. When your tongue is not inside a vagina, it is vibrating at inhuman speeds, offering further proof to the 'bird person' postulate.

Hahahahahahahaha you got Mary. You poor misguided soul. One time, in an act of rebellion, you decided to drink one of your dad's Mike's Hard Lemonades. It turns out it was just regular lemonade, but you got drunk anyway. You like princess movies and you cry during sex.

Mary

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Which Parachute Member Are You?

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