NunSlothpuppy slootwannabe hoedrunkangelperson who lived in this room (sometimes)frostbitten toebasic hoe-sleepserial monogamistprincess
being highly sarcastic abouttexting my friends duringclogging the sink withfantasizing aboutsaving myself forliving in itquietly agreeing aboutlaying in my bed watchinglistening to sad music aboutsticking my fridge betweendreaming aboutwaitin for him to put an ethically sourced ring on
I'm a savageI'm waiting for someone to put in a work orderI only know that and pop music from 7th gradeI'm obliviousMe have hot bodI'm praying for forgivenessI'm making a pun out of itit was some good times and I bunked by bed for itI'm watching netflixI'm not trying to bother anyoneI was tired despite drugging myselfI'm already halfway down the aisle
Starts getting ready when everyone else is leaving"Oh were we planning on going out?" I'm in a onesieSame clothes, different day*packs a puke bag for the kids*Started getting ready the day before then wonders why no one else is ready*trap music plays in background*Can I wear Love Your Melon?21 since September and still haven't been to a barnap until 15 min before leavingno shoes, no shirt and I still get servicegets drunk off of one shot but still loves le tequilaI don't care as long as I still have time to take shots
Period piecesHorrorwhatever's on the Catholic channelPorn (in groups)Well my boyfriend only watches critically acclaimed films...Korean cinemais 50 shades a genre?rom comanything that makes me cry, aka anythingOlafI can't even see the TVChristmas
a normal time bc I do my homework 10 minutes before classI'm nocturnalWhen the demons allow itWhen the birds chirp and I can hear them outside my tentchugs coffee and chocolate *almond* milk at 9 and goes to bed at 1door is always closed so not suregotta wake up early so it's time for momma to turn innot sure she lives in this roomnow, I have practice in the morningafter I've orgasmed 7 times minimum8 pm on the dot bc UTIdoesn't matter but MUST wake up at 7 am
weedfireballle tequilawho cares, I'll get drunk anyways4 loko bc I predicted the electionmust stay sober for all the babieschampagneSpiked seltzer cuz I'm classybeer (old reliable)Old-fashioned (#21)bacardi partyanything you can put in a shot glass
WHO CLOGGED THE SINKKKKKKKK!!!!%$#@!I put hot sauce on itRemember that one guy that nodded at me in lower that one timeWanna hear something really sad?Everybody loves me. Literally, he won't stop calling me.I just want Starbucks and Chipotle"How's Trix?" *doesn't wait for answer* "Trix are for kidz"I'm gonna take a napSooooooo shots?Hi friends!like my pajamas?I’ll make my mac and cheese for you
*Covers ears and closes eyes**emerges from room disheveled in order to comment in a political manner*brings up conspiracy theory/ demon experience/ dreamwants every conversation to somehow involve sex"This one time when I was having sex..." moons windowI’ll make my mac and cheese for youemerges for snack, engages in convoidk she's in Australiais asleep in a very uncomfortable positiondenying the fact that there is an alien birthing site at Area 51"That's not nice."I am not allowed to speak in the common room
plumbera nice boythe devil himselfan older athlete who will take our three kids to church on Sundayssettle down?Old, tinderI'm already planning my wedding so that's besides the pointvirgin, 8-pack, and loves to partyemotionally damaged, everyone hates himhot & richIRISHwhite beard, kinda chubby around the middle, wears all red, calls everyone a ho
USC gamehooking up with that guy from JuiceProbably that night I orgasmed 7 times (we would hope- seriously, tell us how you do it)I was asleep for it (was actually probably too high to remember) or maybe the time I ubered from mac to upper #glorydaysStill waiting to hook up with a hockey player, I’ll get back to you*almost* meeting my husbandFalling asleep in Chris’s bathroomwhen Marcus bedded me“I did not wake up in the morning feeling like P Diddy”I don’t remember but I was told I vomitedfailing at shower sex WITH A BROKEN FOOTtaking that first and only shot, it was epic
Immaculate conceptionnot giving birth bc pro choiceGiving birth to the spawn of Marcus the demonGiving birth to a leprechaunGiving birth to a damn well dressed Insta famous babyGiving birth to a jellybeanGiving birth to some Australian’s babyI’m uncomfortable with a lot of things...Giving birth bc everyone else is doing it (pregnancy pact)Starting senior year!! :) HAGS!Giving birth bc the condom got stuck inside meSanta’s baby, I’ll slip it out right under the tree, for me
Which 305 Hoe Are You?
I hope you went to church this week, because you’re as holy as they come. Except no one comes in your world. You’re also ironically the one who is always down to #hang and #party, probably because you procrastinate on all your homework and are the only one who is #twentyfun. You are currently in Old Britain kissing cute English boys, so we are all low key very jealous. Way to go!
Are you watching Netflix on your phone while also doing a crossword on your computer? Are you lit af? Is your favorite quote incredibly morbid? Well, obviously, because you’re a Nicole! You watch Galavant with your roomies and genuinely can’t understand why nobody else could enjoy this beautiful and musical period piece. Your bed is your true sanctuary and the cashiers at City Co. probably know your life story. You wear some banging booties (with a moderate heel) and you have the finest ass in this godforsaken school. Brush up on your politics knowledge because the LSAT is coming up fast, and if you’re ever going to make it as the governor of North Carolina, you better ace that shit. You also never black out or vom and I think you should get more credit for that.
Congrats, you two time Least Valuable Player, sink-cloggin’, uninvited member of our room. Your activities include making questionable decisions, avoiding peanuts, shirts and responsibilities, answering physics questions, and, more than anything, clogging the dang sink. If marielle is smell sensitive, you’re sink sensitive. This is awkward bc we didn’t invite you to join our quiz. What are you even doing here anyway?
Berenstein or Berenstain?! Welcome to Marielle’s world, that is, the Twilight Zone. Crack out that Ouija Board and remember to say goodbye, even though it’s already too late and Marcus has your soul. I’ll bet you’re unapologetically sassy and yet somehow everyone still loves you because you look strikingly similar to Dobby the Elf. That’s some damn good genes. You are smell, temperature, and germ sensitive and you go to Lower at 4:30 daily to get your nightly bagel. Good job. Keep researching those conspiracy theories.
Between your depressing music and your dark, dark soul, it’s a mystery how you get out of bed in the morning. If you even live in this room… you’re never here because of your hectic and demanding lifestyle that focuses mainly around HIV/AIDS. You insist that all the bands you listen to are extremely popular even if no one else has ever heard of them. Your Illinois history education failed you when it failed to teach you about Watergate, and you named your high school clique, like a real life teenage drama. Currently, you study in Ecuador and we miss the sounds of you, most importantly your incessantly loud nose blowing.
If you’re a Courtney, you love dogs, Christmas and sex in that order. Most of your conversations end in startling sexual revelations and/or pictures of Bali. Your favorite fantasy probably involves Santa Claus and/or your physics TA in a tent, idk you’re probably weird. You bunked your bed because of the challenge of sexual intercourse on the top bunk, and you’ll be damned if you fail. You are single handedly responsible for feeding the entire room on Thursday nights and letting us know when the froyo machine is on. You’re also strikingly attractive. Like damn. One final piece of advice for you Courtneys out there: If you’re not even feeling this Four Loko yet, I feel like you’re not drinking it fast enough.
You’re probably from New Jersey, aren’t you? If you’re a “Keegan,” you think about sex or peanut butter every 3 seconds. Its statistically proven. And you would know, you’re a math minor. At a party, we can always find you taking shots or in the center of the dance floor. You don’t give a fux about anything except your peanut butter and texting your friends bc some bois can’t ~satisfy~ you.
Adorable. Angelic. You’re the mom of the group, and have pulled each of your friends from death’s door. You probably have extra tall rain boots purely for the purpose of jumping into puddles because if you can’t be a child at heart, can you even live? You are a great human bean and always smell like you just got out of the shower (because you did). Get yourself a hedgehog for a pet (RIP Turtle), some penguin paraphernalia, maybe some wine if you’re feeling a little wild, because you are without a doubt a Shauna.
If you are taking this quiz past 8pm and you got Alexandra, you definitely picked wrong. You are reliably in your bed/in the shower anytime past 8 and we can always rely on you to come out every couple of hours to contribute to the convo and grab frozen grapes and mustard.
V-I-CKY The sound of her name makes the little kids cry (AHHHHHHH) Hey vicky you're so so icky Just the thought of being around you makes me oh so sicky Hey vicky won't you please explain why you get so much enjoyment out of causing kids pain (OH OH OH!) A chick who's just plain mean A sour sweet 16 She's a fire breathing dragon in a pair of black jeans (EEEEWWWW) AHOOOOOOO Hey vicky won't you tell us true how'd we ever get the bad luck to be stuck with you Oh vicky can we say one thing It's your super total yuckiness that makes us wanna sing OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH! Icky Vicky ooo ooo Icky Vicky ooo ooo ICKY VICKY! Enough said. If you're a Victoria, you're just plain icky.
If you’re a Jess, you’ve just spent the last five months in sunny Australia kissing boys (and maybe a bit more… ok A LOT more). You have some pretty sick beach pics and you’ve probably been Disneyland more times than Walt himself. You’re a Zumba queen (or king, we’re inclusive in this quiz) and that’s how you keep your hot bod. We’re looking forward to having you back this semester to fuq sh!t up.
Good news, you’re the only one who can call Shauna mom. You make some meannnn mac and cheese and you are always on point with your puppy videos and LYM attire. You’re trendy and artsy and kewl and you’re probably the only one who has your shit figured out.