I lost you but I found myself
I did a lot of reflecting. I spent years of reflecting and correcting. I am so happy to finally say I am loving the person I am becoming. If it wasn’t for you I would have never been able to be happy on my own. Guys, when I say it is important for everyone to be on their own for a little bit, I MEAN IT. You really don't know yourself until you are forced to face the reality of things. At first, I thought my world was over. I remember coming to the conclusion that I am incapable of love. I felt so lost and couldn't even answer the question: "Who are you?" Can you?
New Year New Me?
Is it weird that I have no recollection of the person I was years ago? It’s like my brain programmed me to erase everything that has happened in my past. Okay, I know what you’re thinking, she’s fucking weird let me leave this now.
But wait, there’s more. You might find yourself to like me. You might actually really like me. This could be the start to a beautiful friendship guys.
Anyways, that was a major sidetrack. Back to what I was saying about not remembering anything from my past. I don’t care to know the person who I was years ago. Things never worked out for me in my past and I think that was all leading up to this moment. The moment that I decide to actually change my life and do the things I wanted to do. I mean why not? Who say’s that we can’t be exactly who we want to be. Reading that out-loud actually sounds weird, let me expand on that. Call me Gouda because it is about to get real cheesy up in here. Life is what you make of it. I swear I don’t want to sound like one of those motivational speakers who tell you what you want to hear. That’s definitely not what I am here for. I am with you guys 100%. I want to be the voice that you come to when you need to hear what’s right. I want to be that raw, uncut, rated R version of what we go through as humans. If you're just as lost as me maybe I can provide some assistance. I went through it, I continue to go through it actually, but I guess I want to share with you all.
If it wasn't for that break up I would have never found my worth. My value. You see the thing is nobody actually knows what they are worth until they have been built and broken.
See what had happened was...
“Don't live the same year twice” I read this quote about a million times on Pinterest. This was when January just started and everyone wants to go on this so called life changing journey. What's your New Year’s resolution? The same as last year and we all know how that ended up. I don't want a New Year’s resolution, I don't want to do the same things I have done. I crave to recreate myself not only on a spiritual level but also mentally and physically. In my head I have this idea, this image of where I feel like I should be. It's like this split screen of “expectations” and “reality”. Why can't I live in the expectations world? How can I get there? Those questions really opened up my eyes to a whole new perspective on the world. I can do this. I actually can be there. It's going to take some hard ass work but it's doable. If it was easy everyone would do it right? That applies in this exact case. Do the things everyone else isn't willing to do, and you will be rewarded in ways you weren't before. You have to try new things in order for a new outcome to happen.
Don't let the damage define you
Dude there's no better way of saying this but life is really about trying, failing and trying again. Keep doin' the damn thing. Keep going. Keep growing. Keep continuing to try and try and try. That is what life is all about. You lost someone but you found yourself. That is all you need to get through anything darling. xoxo
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