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15 Reasons Why Nichole Magoon Is NOT A Candidate For Ms. Burlington

Listen, you're looking for someone to represent the essence of Citizen Cider and Burlington. And unfortunately I'm here to tell you that Nichole Magoon is definitely NOT who you're looking for.

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This is Nichole. She'll try and convince you that she is perfect for Ms. Burlington, but I'll be the first one to tell you she's definitely NOT.

Dan Bowles

1. First off, she was born in Vermont and moved to Burlington 11 years ago — and she just refuses to leave. Is that what you want?

Like, she even bought a condo here. Stage 5 Clinger Alert!
Via Instagram: @nicholemagoon

Like, she even bought a condo here. Stage 5 Clinger Alert!

2. Look, Burlington is the ultimate college town. It's not like she went to college here or even WORKS at a college.

That same college even awarded her the President's Alumni Leadership award in 2011?
Grad Images & Stephen Mease

That same college even awarded her the President's Alumni Leadership award in 2011?

3. Ms. Burlington is “all things delightful”. Does this look delightful & full of personality to you? Ugh, NO.

Nichole Magoon / Via Facebook

4. You want someone hard hitting; someone tough and determined. This chick is only working full-time, getting her MBA and performs comedy. How lazy can you get?

Via Instagram: @nicholemagoon

...And even though she wasn't a runner, she trained and ran a FULL marathon? Clearly she doesn't set challenging goals.

And she cried crossing the finish line...toughen up!
Nichole Magoon / Via Facebook

And she cried crossing the finish line...toughen up!

5. Speaking of comedy, Ms. Burlington should be someone with a sense of humor. It's not like Nichole has been performing improv comedy with the Vermont Comedy Club for years or anything.

Via Instagram: @nicholemagoon

Nichole and Autofill, one of the Vermont Comedy Club Mainstage Teams.

She even does stand-up comedy occasionally. *yawn* BOOORRRRING.

Via Instagram: @nicholemagoon

6. Ms. Burlington cider has a bit of bitterness. Nichole is not bitter at all. Nope.

7. If you're going to be Ms. Burlington, you have to represent a forward-thinking city. There's NO WAY she's forward thinking! She'd need to work in an innovative industry like social media or something.

Stephen Mease / Via Instagram

....Or she'd need to do something totally outside-the-box...like create an ironic Buzzfeed article about why she's NOT Ms. Burlington. Which she totally didn't do.

Via Instagram: @nicholemagoon

*wink*

8. Burlington is steeped in arts and culture — Nichole is basically an uncultured swine.

Via Instagram: @nicholemagoon

...Like what does she even know about performing arts?

Stephen Mease Photography / Via Facebook

9. And Burlington is all about its community. If it's one thing Nichole is NOT, it is engaged in the community.

Via Instagram: @nicholemagoon

Someone on the cover of Seven Days has NO visibility or impact within the community.

...She's never participated in a city-wide event.

Via Instagram: @nicholemagoon

...She doesn't participate in recreational kickball in Oakledge Park every summer.

Luann Bailey / Via Facebook

...and she NEVER dedicates her time to teaching improv to local community members.

Via Instagram: @nicholemagoon

...She's too busy to raise money for the Flynn Center through their Over the Edge campaign and rappel down a building.

Stephen Mease / Via Facebook

...She can't even be dedicated enough to help judge the annual Kid's VT Spectacular Spectacular! THE NERVE.

Via Instagram: @nicholemagoon

....And of course, she's NEVER been voted as a Seven Daysies Finalist by the community, like, 3 times. Absolutely never.

PLEASE. Let us know when you decide to give a damn, Nichole.
Stephen Mease / Via Facebook

PLEASE. Let us know when you decide to give a damn, Nichole.

10. Speaking of Seven Daysies — Ms. Burlington should be creative and outgoing! Nichole gets an F for that. I mean, just look at the boring campaigns she creates every year for it.

Via Instagram: @nicholemagoon

....She should JUST STOP TRYING. She's not creative AT ALL.

Via Instagram: @nicholemagoon

11. Burlington is festive. Festive isn't in Nichole's vocabulary. She never dresses up in costume for Halloween.

Via Instagram: @nicholemagoon

"Ocean's Eleven", Nichole? Seriously? Just TRY A LITTLE.

...And when it comes to a theme, she always takes the easy way out.

For the 90s theme you replicated Salt N' Pepa's outfit entirely from Duct Tape? YEAH OK, Nichole. Whatever you say.
Dealer Dot Com

For the 90s theme you replicated Salt N' Pepa's outfit entirely from Duct Tape? YEAH OK, Nichole. Whatever you say.

12. Seriously, she is so far from exhibiting the can-do independence and adventurous energy that define's Vermont's spirit, it's not even funny.

Via Instagram: @nicholemagoon

I mean, she tiled her own kitchen floor. Child's play, amirite?

...Adventure? Risk taking? Not Nichole.

13. Real-talk time: as you can tell, Nichole is not unique.

Via Instagram: @nicholemagoon

...I mean, she spells her name with an "H"! How vanilla is that?!

Via Instagram: @nicholemagoon

...She doesn't do anything cool, like radio voiceovers.

Via Instagram: @nicholemagoon

...or officiate weddings.

Nichole Magoon / Via Instagram: @nicholemagoon

14. Lastly....she absolutely HATES Burlington.

Via Instagram: @nicholemagoon

....she's disgusted by its picturesque setting...

Via Instagram: @nicholemagoon

...despises the wealth of events...

Via Instagram: @nicholemagoon

...can't stand all the recreational activities available in the City....

Via Instagram: @nicholemagoon

...and of course, the absolute worst....the CARDINAL SIN that makes her the WORST candidate...she HATES Citizen Cider. HATE. HATE. HATES IT. Clearly.

Nichole Magoon / Via Instagram: @nicholemagoon

15. I mean, just LOOK AT HER. Is this the person you want as the face of Ms. Burlington? WELL, IS IT?

Nichole Magoon / Via Instagram: @nicholemagoon

So to recap: Nichole is a vivacious, outgoing and tenacious woman who came to Burlington for college and never left; she even still embodies the empowered college student spirit. She brings a smile to everyone’s face, and her comedic timing and energetic presence are refreshing. She is unique and festive; a woman with a soft heart and a sharp tongue who always leaves a lasting impression. She is, in essence, all things delightful.

Matt Thorsen / Via Seven Days

You know, definitely NOT all the qualities you’re looking for in Ms. Burlington. Nope. Not at all. So definitely DON'T vote for her here.

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