1. First of all, NEVER wave back at strangers — no matter how much it seems like they’re looking at you.
2. Ask yourself, “Did they really make smartphone holders for ‘97 sedans?”
3. Also, dance like someone's watching. At all times.
4. Honestly, just watch your back.
5. Make sure your transportation plans aren't all wet...
6. ...and don't allow anybody to burst your bubble.
7. Double-check that your four-legged pillow isn't actually your 6-year-old husky.
8. Don't play acoustic guitar, like, ever.
9. And if you are in a band, insist on hiring a guitar tech...
10. ...or a professional page turner.
11. Be honest with yourself about what constitutes a sandwich...
12. ...or a knife, for that matter.
13. Oh, and never go outside.
14. No, seriously. Just stay home.
15. Finally, don't cheat on your diet — even with fat-free, no-sugar-added, low-calorie ice cream.
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