See What America Would Look Like If It Were Still British

Where would you live if the Brits never left? Explore Great Britain 2 and celebrate Independence Eve on July 3rd with an (imperial) pint or two of Newcastle.

The ol' US-of-A would look a helluva lot different.

It would be called "Great Britain 2," of course.

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And naturally, your cities would have different, more Britishy names.

So, if Britain had won the Revolutionary War...

New York would have been Old York.

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You could’ve still lived the American dream, but it would’ve been called the Great British 2 dream and the best place to do it would’ve been in Old York. You’d leave your small town, move to Old York and the first thing you’d buy would be an “I heart OY” T-shirt. And you would “heart” Old York, because you’d know that it was a beacon of freedom where no matter who you were or where you came from you could make your dreams come true, as long as your dreams were officially sanctioned by the tyrannical monarchy ruling you from 3000 miles away.

Seattle would have been Seattlechestershire.

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You still could’ve lived in a city as fog-laden, overcast and rainy as Britain herself. And there wouldn’t be a coffee shop on every corner, there’d be a pub, full of wet Seattlechestershireans drinking Newcastle, and it would’ve been brilliant.

Dallas would have been Dallasbury.

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Cowboys would’ve been called cowlads and The Wild West would’ve been known as The Well-Mannered West. And when they spotted a pub full of Newcastle on the horizon they wouldn’t yell “Yee haw” they’d yell “Tally ho.” because cowlads are gentlemen. You could’ve had it all Dallasbury.

Portland would have been Portland-under-Canada.

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Portland-Under-Canada would still be full of micro-brews, but they’d actually just be slightly-smaller Newcastle bottles that you could carry in your pocket and whenever you saw your friend after work you could say “All right, mate? Fancy a microbrew?” And he’d be like “Alright then” and the you’d toast to the Queen, enjoy your Newcastle and think “Great Britain 2 is bloody brilliant.” and you'd know what that meant, cause you'd be British.

San Francisco would have been Wolverhampton.

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We would’ve kept The Golden Gate Bridge red to match our phone booths and buses. And you’d never see it, because it’d be covered in fog, but not American fog, proper British fog, which we’d import along with Newcastle beer. And we would’ve given the city a name as ridiculous as calling a red bridge golden; Wolverhampton.

Los Angeles would have been Los Angelingham.

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Los Angelingham would’ve been the heart of film making, and all of Great Britain 2’s greatest actors would live there, but we wouldn’t call them actors, we’d call them waiters. And if you ever needed a Newcastle during your meal you could ask a waiter and they'd bring it. And you'd stand, applaud and maybe even wipe your watering eyes, because not only would they give you the table-side performance of a lifetime, but they'd give you a beer.

Las Vegas would have been Slough.

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We’d still have Las Vegas, but we’d give it a much flashier name, like Slough. And just like Vegas, what happened in Slough, would’ve stayed in Slough, except the money made by the casinos, hotels, bars, restaurants and cabs. All of that would’ve naturally gone to the Queen. And Newcastle would have been available everywhere…and by everywhere we mean only establishments that served consumers of legal drinking age within prescribed business hours, because Slough would be civilized, just like the British paragons of sophistication who conquered it.

Click to see what your city would be named if Britain ran America. Or don't & wonder for your whole life. #IndependenceEve

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