I don't know about you, but I (falsely) assumed that Love Is Blind: After the Altar would be a Q&A style reunion special. I was wrong: It's actually three episodes that follow the cast around, predominately on the weekend of Natalie's birthday back in March.
There are two rather large elephants in the room: Both wedded couples (Nick and Danielle and Jarrette and Iyanna) from Season 2 have announced their divorce since After the Altar was filmed. However, they are all very much still together in the episodes.
So, for the good of humanity, I watched After the Altar — and here's what I learned:
1.Let's kick things off with Shayne and Natalie. Shayne describes their post-show relationship as "re-engaged, un-engaged, on-and-off." According to Shayne, the last he heard of Natalie was a text that said she "never wants to speak to [him] ever again." Also, and I cannot stress this enough: Shayne now wears a headband.
2.Shaina is in a relationship with a man named Christos. We know he is Greek, dramatic, older than Shaina, and a Christian. One of the first "small talk" questions she asked him was, "Do you believe in Jesus Christ?" They announce that they are engaged in the show.
3.Now, Natalie's account of things is where things get spicy. She claimed that there were "flirtatious messages" between Shayne and Shaina — Natalie was with Shayne and Shaina was with Christos — and it's why Natalie broke up with Shayne.
4.According to Natalie, the messages included things like how wild their sex life would be — and what would happen if they did end up together.
5."I think she was in a secret relationship with Shayne," Natalie says point-blank when Shaina arrives at the '80s-themed party. "In my eyes, she was the other woman."
6.Both Shaina and Shayne deny this. "There's never been anything inappropriate with Shayne," Shaina asserts, calling Natalie's account "petty high school drama." Bafflingly, she does admit that the most inappropriate message she sent Shayne was calling him "sweet baby." Shaina plays this off as if it is NBD.
7."I don't really understand what is so scandalous about me and Shaina DMing each other," Shayne adds. "When it comes to Natalie, if I blinked at Shaina, it would be scandalous." HMMMM.
8.Let's move on to Jarrette and Iyanna. The problems are evident from the get-go: Iyanna has already moved out.
9.The core of the issue is Jarrette's extensive partying. "I don't want to live there because it bothers me to have to sit there for hours and hours waiting for him to come home," Iyanna explains. "We have to have the same conversation over and over again. ... He's immature."
10.Jarrette is fully aware of this, but struggles throughout the episodes to concretely figure out what to do. Things seem hopeful by the end, and he even says, "I'm committed to this lifelong partnership with you." Alas, we know this doesn't work out.
11.There's far less insight into why Nick and Danielle break up. Things seem pretty uneventful between the two throughout the episode, and we end with Danielle saying she offered Nick sexual favors in exchange for trying new food (don't get me started on the list of foods Nick doesn't eat). Guess we'll have to go elsewhere for that closure!
12.Sal is in a relationship with a woman named Jessi, and the show seems hell-bent on showing how "fucking uncomfortable" it is for Mallory to be around them. Both Jessi and Sal feel the need to clear the air with Mallory, to which she awkwardly replies, "You guys didn't have to say anything."
13.Sal also floats the idea of getting engaged to Jessi in a conversation with his sisters and shows them the ring he's bought. He also takes this moment to talk about an incident during filming with Mallory. "A week before our wedding, we had plans...I didn't hear from her for two hours," he recalls, describing how he walked home and saw her in a strange car. "Mallory's in there with some random guy, drunk."
14.For some reason, it is in a POST-CREDITS SCENE that Mallory denies standing Sal up and said she was with one of her oldest friends. Also in said post-credits scene is Shayne challenging Natalie to release the alleged messages between him and Shaina. I honestly wouldn't have noticed that the scenes were there, had I not had to source photos for this post.
15.Before we get to Deepti and Kyle's update, I want to touch on a couple of random things. Firstly, Shake isn't there. Shake told TMZ that the show "begged" him to appear, but that he didn't "trust" how he was portrayed. He is not missed.
16.Secondly, there is a looooooot of booze in these episodes. The gold goblets are practically overflowing in a way that seems incredibly stark. I'm curious to see if others notice as well.
17.Finally, Deepti and Kyle start the episodes in a "situationship," i.e. they see each other multiple times a week, call each other their "best friend," are attracted to one another, but are scared to make a move lest they ruin their friendship.
18.Fear not, by the end of the show, they're in a relationship. "Eventually, I want him to be my husband," Deepti adds, should we forget the marriage obsession of Love Is Blind.
There we have it! Were there any bits that surprised you? LMK in the comments!