Because you can *learn* to have a green thumb.
The trowel will be your main workhorse, but the transplanter (the one with the measuring marks on it) will make all the difference when you need to measure the right size holes for different plants, and the cultivator will loosen soils that end up packed over time. And gloves, of course, keep your hands clean and protect them from spiky thorns. (These are just starters of course; if you're looking at a big project, you'll definitely need more/different tools!)
Always snip them between two sets of leaves, as close as possible to the bottom set. Make sure to leave at least two or three layers of leaves on your plant, though! This encourages your plant to send out more leaves. Read more on The Thrifty Groove and Martha Stewart.
Get a highly-rated set of garden shears on Amazon for $9.98.
In your dream garden, you'd get almost two inches of rain in weekly afternoon showers, but we know that never happens. Read more on Gardening Know How, because it's a little more complicated than that; containers may even need daily waterings, depending on where you live.
Get a highly-rated heavy-duty watering nozzle on Amazon for $15.99; it'll attach to your hose for easy watering.
Weeding's annoying, but if you devote a few minutes a day to it, or try to do it at least once a week, you can catch the weeds when they're young, and it'll be easier to pull them up.
But if you're too busy for that (or TBH just lazy), this weeder pulls even the toughest weeds out by the root, and has five-star reviews from over 2,600 people; get it on Amazon for $39.15.
This'll sound familiar, because fertilizers also generally give an "NPK" number — nitrogen, phosphorous, and potassium — the same info you're looking at in a soil test. But this is all about getting even more of those important nutrients to your platns.
Unfortunately there's not an easy "tip" for this one; you just have to do your research and pay attention to the information about your seeds or plants when you buy 'em. There are several types of fertilizers out there; read more about it on Fine Gardening, Bonnie Plants, and Zone 9 Garden.