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1. A multipurpose gadget that aerates, filters, re-corks, and pours to make any bottle of wine taste better, pour without dripping, and store effortlessly.
2. Or an aerator-slash-pourer if you're like, "Leftover wine? What on Earth is that???" but still want to upgrade the taste of your cheaper bottles.
3. A wine sealing system that sucks out all of the oxygen to keep a partially-finished bottle tasting fresh for an entire week.
4. A set of six hunky glass markers that'll guarantee you'll easily remember which wine belongs to you.
5. Or a set of colorful kitties markers who will happily doze with your drink (while still making it easy-to-spot) anytime you set it down.
6. A set of coasters that you'll want to put on display because they're so hilariously accurate.
7. A purse with a secret: a separate hidden, zippered compartment that can hold a full bottle of wine, and a little spot on the side where you can dispense it.
8. A minimalist necklace to let everyone in the world know exactly where your heart lies.
9. An automatic bottle opener that'll make those battles with your old manual corkscrew a legend of the distant past.
10. A corkscrew-legged pirate — complete with a foil-cutting arm — who'll be the trusty swashbuckling companion you never knew you needed.
11. Or the ~Corkatoo~, a pretty little bird who doesn't care for crackers — only corks.
12. A book packed with infographics that'll help you understand basically everything about wine, from flavors to regions to even colors.
13. Or a grown-up scratch & sniff book that sends you on a smelling quest to truly learn how to distinguish different flavors in wine.
14. A miracle spray that can take red wine stains out of almost anything you accidentally slosh or spill on — just look at what it did for this dried, month-old Cabernet stain on a faux-fur blanket:
15. A suction-on cup holder perfect for keeping your wine out of your bubble bath or shower.
16. A hand-blown crystal decanter for the nights you feel like putting on your best outfit and saying things like "now this bottle's truly opened up."
17. A wall-mounted rack that packs a triple storage punch: it holds wine, glasses, and your growing cork collection.
18. Or a sturdy 24-bottle wooden wine bar so you can pretend you're tasting at the vineyard right in your own kitchen or living room.
19. A wine "glass" that fits literally an entire bottle for your friend who's always complaining about having to get up for refills.
20. A stemmed beaker glass that'll lend all of your favorite blends a touch of elegant scientific precision.
21. An icepack-sleeve that fits on pretty much any bottle to keep your whites and rosés perfectly chilled for a couple of hours.
22. An insulated, stemless glass with a leak-resistant lid that'll keep your glass of rosé or white perfectly chill even if you're hanging out in the hot tub.
23. A pack of four bottle collars to stop any post-pouring drips in their tracks, long before they even think about leaving a stain on your table.
24. A pack of three protective bottle cases for easy packing whether you're checking your bags to your destination or headed out on a cruise.
25. And an insulated two-bottle tote bag to actually keep your cold sparkling chilled while you tote it over to your friend's rooftop party.
26. A fitted tee that perfectly expresses your attitude toward wine anytime of day (especially those days when you get to visit a vineyard).
27. Merlot-derived soap, for anyone who's wine-obsessed enough to wish out loud for a swimming pool of the stuff.
28. And a pair of cozy ankle socks that will be all you want to wear when you go to prop up your feet after a long day.
29. Individually-packaged wipes designed to make those dreaded red-wine-stained teeth a thing of the past.
As Betty White and Reatha Grey once famously said:
The reviews in this post have been edited for length and clarity.