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25 Things You Smell At Every Music Festival

The definitive ranking, from OK to hideous nightmare.

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25. Funnel cake

Fried dough with a lemon-vanilla tinge will be the best thing you smell all day. But warning: your nose may be more game than your stomach.

24. Baby wipes

Carry perfumed-with-sunshine wet and cottony wipes for when you use the port-a-potties — no, they won't have toilet paper — and use them as a shower substitute for your dirt-covered face and body.


22. Burning blunt

Notes of coffee, tobacco, and new friendship.


14. Golf cart exhaust

Golf carts are the most elite form on intra-festival transport. They amplify dust, and give it a diesel after-smell.

12. Shoes caked in mud

Weirdly sour combo of dirt, sweat, sun.


10. The inside of your baseball hat

It's been incubating the stressed-out sweat coming from your brain.

8. Soggy hay

Hay is thrown over mud/grass to keep ground dry. As it soaks up spills and rain, it ends up smelling like mold, maybe urine?


4. A tent

All of your breaths, stuck in a small space.

3. A fart in a tent

Who DOES this?

1. Hot port-a-potty

This is like puke in a tent, except there's other people's puke, poop, period stuff, and pee, too — ALL THE WORST THINGS — and it's all baked for a couple hours.

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