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Posted on Jun 21, 2017

A Late Bloomer

"So you've never had sex?" A white Irish man who was in my theatre history class, with the most gorgeous shade of crimson hair asked the question that is literally the pain of my existence. I blushed, but thankfully for me, I'm black so he couldn't tell. "Nope. Untouched." I said, looking away from his gaze. His green eyes were wide while his face flushed the darkest shade of red. He looked so confused, unsure if he could kiss me goodnight. That night was the last time I heard of him. This started the first of many instances that I was left alone because of my "special" qualities. When men find out that I am a virgin. Meeting my gaze with absolute shock and confusion, stumbling over words as they speak. I mean maybe it's because I am 22. They probably feel like my loins are yearning for any knight to take me in a bed covered in rose petals and candle light. Contrary to popular belief, virgins don't think about their first time like that. At least I don't. What's worse is that I haven't had my first kiss yet. I know, I've kicked myself for that more times than I can count. If they choose to stick around after they find out, immediately I am prey, Bambi among wolves with relentless hunger, in such a rush to devour me. The uncomfortable conversations will begin, after the first few days, they'll think they've buttered me up enough to have sex with me, eagerly inviting me to their home, saying, "We're just going to watch Netflix. I promise." I never say yes because I'd rather stay home and watch my own subscription of Netflix than sit in your room, being felt up, awfully. You'd think a man so hungry to get laid would be much better at copping fields. But sadly they aren't. And at that point I'm turned off, because if you can't do that, imagine how you'll be at sex. So like a soldier I drop the bomb, "I haven't kissed anyone either." With a tense jaw and clammy hands they jerk away and make some excuse as to why I have to leave. And then running into them awkwardly several weeks later, making some pathetic excuse as to why they haven't texted me for the past month. But reassure me that they like me and still want to see me. Yea-- no. In a nutshell, my life sucks. But makes for one interesting story.