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17 Better Names For Common Foods

Food is good and everything, but...those names have got to change.

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1.

"May I have a meat bed with extra tomato blood? Thanks."
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"May I have a meat bed with extra tomato blood? Thanks."

2.

"It's more American than baseball and standard-issue fruit pie!"
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"It's more American than baseball and standard-issue fruit pie!"

3.

"I love a cold glass of peel-n-eat juice in the morning."
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"I love a cold glass of peel-n-eat juice in the morning."

4.

"Dirt swords are good for your eyes."
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"Dirt swords are good for your eyes."

5.

"Whenever I cry, I reach for a piece of not for dogs."
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"Whenever I cry, I reach for a piece of not for dogs."

6.

"Children love tasty mash. In fact, they all scream for cold sugar blob!"
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"Children love tasty mash. In fact, they all scream for cold sugar blob!"

7.

"Look at those police in their car eating those sweet, sweet holes.""A young pop star was recently spotted licking a sweet, sweet hole she didn't pay for.""I like chocolate frosting on my sweet, sweet hole."
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"Look at those police in their car eating those sweet, sweet holes."

"A young pop star was recently spotted licking a sweet, sweet hole she didn't pay for."

"I like chocolate frosting on my sweet, sweet hole."

8.

"I like to eat pork sticks with hot bread and scrambled little yellow cloud things."
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"I like to eat pork sticks with hot bread and scrambled little yellow cloud things."

9.

"When the moon hits your eye like a big open-faced calzone, that's amore!"
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"When the moon hits your eye like a big open-faced calzone, that's amore!"

10.

"Would you like potato pencils with that?"
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"Would you like potato pencils with that?"

11.

"Jessica's mom made a bunch of cute lil' baby muffins with adorable frosting hats for her birthday, it was so sweet."
Brian Chan / Via unsplash.com

"Jessica's mom made a bunch of cute lil' baby muffins with adorable frosting hats for her birthday, it was so sweet."

12.

"Is that a yellow goo tube in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?"
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"Is that a yellow goo tube in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?"

13.

"I'll take a footlong hog pipe with tomato blood and yellow yummies, please."
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"I'll take a footlong hog pipe with tomato blood and yellow yummies, please."

14.

"Would you like some practice food before your meal?"
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"Would you like some practice food before your meal?"

15.

"I'm so bad. I ate two recently divorced scones this morning and I feel so awful!"
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"I'm so bad. I ate two recently divorced scones this morning and I feel so awful!"

16.

"Those grandma squares in the fridge aren't for you Billy, they're for grown-ups.""No, Billy, those are Mommy's jazz grandma squares.""Grandma ate some of my special grandma squares and now she's stuck in a tree!"
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"Those grandma squares in the fridge aren't for you Billy, they're for grown-ups."

"No, Billy, those are Mommy's jazz grandma squares."

"Grandma ate some of my special grandma squares and now she's stuck in a tree!"

17.

"Don't talk to me until I've had my brown bean sap."
Drew Coffman / Via unsplash.com

"Don't talk to me until I've had my brown bean sap."

Now you can actually name a food too! Head over to Red Robin to see their Finest Chicken Burger yet and #NameThatChicken!