19 Of The Funniest Tweets From The Weekend That Will Have You Laughing So Hard You'll Pee A Little Bit
"I hate when a man is a loser and you can tell nobody has ever told him he’s a loser."
The weekend went by so fast. I figured laughing at some of these tweets would keep you from crying and spiraling — until you laugh so hard that you cry...and spiral.
Make sure you follow all these hilarious people on Twitter!
1.
It's not X, it's not the platform formerly known as Twitter...it's Twitter. It's just Twitter.
— Hank Green (@hankgreen) August 12, 2023
If some rich guy bought my whole town and renamed it, I wouldn't start calling it "The town formerly known as Missoula."
It would still be Missoula, just like this is still Twitter.
2.
the absolute worst guy u know is gonna dress like this for halloween this year btw pic.twitter.com/lAp5xb4wgv
— lyss :) (@lysstory) August 12, 2023
3.
no one ever tells you how often you'll whisper "righty tighty, lefty loosey" to yourself as an adult and they really should
— Lane Moore📚 (@hellolanemoore) August 11, 2023
4.
i’m at the age where checking Gmail is part of my social media routine
— purple (@prplexi) August 11, 2023
5.
Red, White & Royal Blue greatest service might be teaching a new generation of women that gay men can actually do missionary.
— Tyler Dinucci! (@TylerDinucci) August 12, 2023
6.
i hate when you’re buying something and the credit card reader shows you the amount and is like “is this ok? 🥺” obviously no bitch but do i have a choice
— trash jones (@jzux) August 11, 2023
7.
Me going to bed w a empty stomach cus I beefed w my mama. pic.twitter.com/QjP5st00ca
— Invis🍒 (@invis4yo) August 11, 2023
8.
i’m this indecisive 😭 pic.twitter.com/Ryy6v5bk8c
— b (@abeecdefme) August 12, 2023
9.
when you push the vaccum cleaner over a spot of dirt and you hear that crackle pic.twitter.com/fmUiKEd6mw
— 𝔐⚘ (@CheemaWRLD) August 10, 2023
10.
I hope teachers start using “look around everybody on mute” to quiet their classrooms.
— Jackée Harry (@JackeeHarry) August 13, 2023
11.
me: “I’m not drinking tonight”
— 𝔐⚘ (@CheemaWRLD) August 12, 2023
*2 hours later* pic.twitter.com/jnlbCkwt2g
12.
do you ever think about how since Doordash started, some amount of cars in a traffic jam are just someone's sandwich. a whole spot on the road just occupied by a guys lunch
— Rob DenBleyker (@RobDenBleyker) August 12, 2023
13.
— non aesthetic things (@PicturesFoIder) August 13, 2023
14.
New neighbor came over and introduced himself with a bottle of wine.
— Princess (@themultiplemom) August 12, 2023
I told him we’ll have to have a glass with my husband.
He gone say “I thought that was your brother and y’all had a daycare”. pic.twitter.com/LiUeC90Sjq
15.
If I say “I’m hungry” we got about 27 minutes until I’m a different person pic.twitter.com/wZafm91ziq
— faith (@faiththegemini) August 12, 2023
16.
I hate when a man is a loser and you can tell nobody has ever told him he’s a loser
— Des (@dandysm0tt) August 11, 2023
17.
me listening to my coworkers telling their whole business whilst not revealing a single detail of mine pic.twitter.com/TRk7MIcrEU
— Feelings シ (@iHad2GoGetit) August 11, 2023
18.
My kid asked: do caterpillars know they are going to become butterflies or do they just build themselves a coffin and wake up pleasantly surprised? 😳
— Sarah Stankorb (@sarahstankorb) August 12, 2023
19.
I don’t understand how COVID is spiking again after we’ve tried everything from pretending it’s over to pretending it never happened
— Zack Bornstein (@ZackBornstein) August 11, 2023