True story: I haven't been in a serious relationship since 2015, and I thought I was the only one out here deep in the date-life trenches.
Then, I discovered Redditor u/XmasJ asking the question, "What's the primary reason you're still single?" and I realized that many people are down bad in the dating game too. Here are the best responses:
1. "I’m starting to suspect it has something to do with the fact I never leave the house. I do leave the house to go to the gym, Mass, and grocery shop. Maybe I’m just not 'putting myself out there.' Mainly because I have no idea what that means."
2. "Self-sabotage."
3. "Lack of trying. I don't go out of my way to meet people. Also, putting myself out there like that scares the shit out of me and mentally drains me."
4. "I gave up trying."
5. "I just don't want to have to interact with someone when I'm at home relaxing. Interacting with people is honestly exhausting."
6. "My desire for solitude outweighs my despair of being alone. Also, I'm not exactly a catch."
7. "Someone recently provided me with an interesting insight: 'I need to feel I have permission to act in certain situations.' I can speak in front of groups and cold open a conversation with someone for my job, but I can not imagine trying to talk to a stranger in a social setting. As a result, next to no social circle and so no way to meet people."
8. "I can't order a relationship on Amazon."
9. "Every IRL social interaction is very draining to me if it's just talking. It's really hard to get the people I know to do something other than have beers at a bar. Clearly, to them just talking is way more rewarding than it is to me."
10. "Online dating is beyond difficult."
11. "Choice. The dating pool is a serious cesspool these days. Online dating sounds downright awful. Not to mention, I'm super comfortable with my solitude and like spending my money on myself and my friends."
12. "I had a very traumatic childhood and young adulthood, and I'm only now getting my shit together in my early 40s. With that came the subsequent PTSD and other diagnoses. It's rough, and until I progress in the way I'd like, no dating for me."
13. "Because I don’t care. Let me chill with my cats in peace."
14. "As someone who has been single for a while, you kind of get this strange mix of pickiness, cynicism, and preference for personal space that just keeps you single."
15. "I prefer being alone, even more than being around people I like. Doesn't matter how much I like someone or spending time with them, I always look forward to having my own peace and quiet. People are just exhausting to me."
16. "The girls I like don’t like me, and I don’t like the girls that like me."
17. "Part of me would really like a partner, but I'm also a natural loner who really likes my solitude, and I've never had much luck with women. Plus, I really hate the gamification of online dating."
18. "Because I have zero confidence."
19. "Online dating and social media have singlehandedly destroyed dating. People have way too many options and are always looking for better."
20. "Anxiety and low self-worth."
21. "Because I want to be, and I'm the only one whose opinion matters."
22. "Honestly, I tend to get overly attached in relationships, and right now, I feel my mental health isn't in a place to handle that intensity. I need to prioritize getting to a healthier space mentally before diving into something serious."
I want to hear from you! If you're still single and can relate to any of these reasons, I want you to dig really deep and share your stories. Share in the comments or use this anonymous form to be featured in an upcoming BuzzFeed Community post.
Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.