1. First of all, it is crucial to dazzle the neighborhood with the intricacies of your heritage.
2. Overhype your arrival when you bring the squad unannounced.
3. Go big or go home when it comes to personal hygiene.
4. Remember that your car has windows, and people can see you.
5. The secret to a good photo is a friend and a temporary face-lift.
6. Don't tell your family to "be cool" when your date arrives if you want them to actually be cool.
7. You can't know how soft something is unless you put it against your face.
8. You can't know how much something will hurt unless you throw it against your face.
9. The key to a happy marriage is to really play up your silver linings.
10. If you haven't had enough to drink before you leave, bring the bottle with you.
11. When it comes to advice from family, "thank you" is assumed.
12. Finally, listen to your elders (and they might surprise you with something hilariously inappropriate).
Images courtesy of Universal Pictures